When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Much of John Kerry's recent surge has come at the expense of Howard Dean. The situation reflected in his hot new bumper… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Glenn Beck does have a dream. Unfortunately, it's the kind of dream you have when you eat four pepperoni hot pockets right… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean was all smiles, well smirks, after picking up the endorsement of former Vice President Al Gore at… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
What I like to do is come in, write the entire program and treat my staff to hot stone massages. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
