Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
People would like to place a standard on our show that doesn't exist. We're not set up for reporting; we don't have… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think that, if we do anything in a positive sense for the world, is provide one little bit of context, that's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Hopefully the process is to spot things that would be grist for the funny mill. In some respects, the heavier subjects are… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
