I'm dreaming of a Christmas as white but not nearly as depressing as the Republican party. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May this be the year your significant other gives you a better gift than your Secret Santa does. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't believe you're alone over the holidays considering how easy you are to get into bed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's make holiday plans comprised of me nursing a hangover while watching TV at home alone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry I can't make it to your holiday party that I'm pretending to attend to get out of going to another holiday… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Christmas shopping for you has made me realize that I know absolutely nothing about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Take comfort in knowing the booze I drank using the money set aside for your gift helped me get over the guilt… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“In my country childhood, we had many Christmas traditions: the fun and adventure of cutting down a tree from our ranch, hilarious… — Larada Horner-Miller Copy Share Image
I'd gladly take your eight days of Hanukkah over our six weeks of Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's hope the kids are stupid enough to believe Santa bought them this year's budget-conscious, crappy gifts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm helping the environment this holiday season by immediately recycling your Christmas card. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong Il. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Rest assured your drunken comments at the office holiday party can't be any more awkward than your sober comments in meetings. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanks for agreeing not to buy each other anything for Christmas and then making me feel guilty by buying something anyway. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whether you're offended by me saying Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, take comfort in knowing I don't really mean either. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not getting you a holiday present because I know you don't like writing thank-you notes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have sex with you until Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you're sad about being single this holiday season, remember that even Kim Kardashian is unmarried 293 days a year. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hope being at your parent's house this holiday break doesn't drive you nuts since you may be living there soon. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Here's hoping Santa is able to deliver all his toys before he's shot by an NRA member. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This year I plan to start putting off my Christmas shopping extra early. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If not for Santa, Jesus would be my favorite fictional bearded guy that gets celebrated in December. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happy holidays from someone using environmental friendliness as an excuse for being too cheap and lazy to send a real card. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A holiday miracle would be still fitting into my clothes after the holidays. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's give thanks our neighborhood is too dangerous for Christmas caroling. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm flattered you actually think I can afford the things on your holiday wish list. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
