If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Gary Condit is on the Congressional committee for Homeland Security. They make the guy responsible for Homeland Security who is the guy… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Tonight the Republican presidential candidates had a big debate, 10 candidates. The last time that many rich white guys got together, I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry's victory over Howard Dean has completely changed the presidential race around. Now instead of the rich white guy from Yale… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
With the presidential debates right around the corner, John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The FBI announced today that they are now looking for Osama bin Laden's financial adviser. You think this guy is in demand.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Vice President Cheney is also on vacation. He's in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. What better place for a guy who has had 4… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
An intruder broke into Mike Tyson's hotel room in Las Vegas while he was sleeping but got out before Tyson could get… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
After saying the jobs bill is paid for, President Obama now says that it will be paid for by raising taxes over… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed. This is good news for Obama; the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy?… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really - how come all those guys… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A fitness instructor in Maine has been charged with running a prostitution business out of her Zumba dance studio. Authorities first got… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The 99 Cent Only Store is calling itself your Valentine's Day headquarters. Guys, if that's your Valentine's Day headquarters, you can also… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald's. To show you how good… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So, Wesley Clark is running for president. Pretty amazing guy. Four star general, first in his class at West Point, supreme commander… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson's disease. So… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
