I'm super happy to say that it's not that hard to write bad stand-up. I guess the trick is to write bad… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
I think a good comedian was probably bullied a little bit. Probably felt doughy and oblong and rhombus-shaped and strange and a… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
The skill set of pastor and comedian are incredibly similar. You want to affect people. You're good at reading rooms. You're persuasive,… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
When I used to work the road, I remember I used to ask myself in the mirror, literally, like in a movie,… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
Every performer I talk to will, with different words, talk about the sanctity of a good standup show, how it can really… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
Good comedy can be liberating, and if I'm doing my job as a comedian, part of the joy for the audience is… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
The biggest idea of a good time for me is making the Batman videos that we did. That is my ideal day.… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
Ideally, a good pastor wants to empower a congregation to the point where they don't need him. You want everyone to leave… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
I'm not going to have the TV personality and be like, 'There's no bitterness. There's no ugliness.' There's bitterness. There's ugliness. There's… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
If I go out and do a set, there's a good chance that I'll watch another comedian. I'll think - not necessarily… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
When somebody comes across as authentic and genuine and sweet, people just want to spend time with that person. — Pete Holmes Copy Share
When my wife left me, in real life, T. J. Miller was like, 'I'm shooting a movie in Pittsburgh. I'll fly you out and… — Pete Holmes Copy Share
Religion often is very embarrassing, and I totally get it. So I am sort of sometimes burdened with the fact that I love talking… — Pete Holmes Copy Share
When it comes to being called a pronoun, sometimes I like to call other people 'me.' I go, like, 'Oh, these mes voted for… — Pete Holmes Copy Share
Why do we say 'Have a great weekend?' That's just a spell. You're just going - I have no control over your weekend. But… — Pete Holmes Copy Share
The biggest idea of a good time for me is making the Batman videos that we did. That is my ideal day. That is… — Pete Holmes Copy Share
Science would like to tell us that people laugh because of the benign violation theory, but comedy doesn't have hard rules. — Pete Holmes Copy Share
I mostly do faces and sounds. That's what I do. Comedy doesn't have to be art. — Pete Holmes Copy Share
Comedians really are like a species. That's not to be exclusive. Anyone can kind of become one. You have to pay your dues, though. — Pete Holmes Copy Share
When I got divorced, the first people I called were Nick Kroll and John Mulaney and T. J. Miller - all the pals. — Pete Holmes Copy Share
Sometimes I liken the comedian's lifestyle a little bit to a firefighter's in the sense that there's a lot of waiting and a lot… — Pete Holmes Copy Share
