I'm a selfish person, and I'm going onstage to have a good time, and I'd love if you want to be a part of it. So if people don't get it, they're wrong. I think they're wrong, and I think… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
We're the only species that listens to Michael Bublé when we have sex. That's gotta be wrong. — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
No perfume. Because I want to know how you smell - right off the bat. Don't mask it up. I need to know how… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
Being on 'Whitney' is a job, but stand-up is my life. I could never stop. There's an art to it. I love having strangers… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
I never really feel like just standing there and telling jokes. I want to move around. In fact, it's hard for me to write… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
I'm a dude, obviously, and when I'm not in a relationship, I don't do laundry until I want to. But if I live with… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
A girl who pays attention is very cool. It's really hard to pay attention to someone. I understand. I get it. I get bored… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
Whitney Cummings is one of the hardest working people I know, and she's very motivated. — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
Once I started doing stand-up, everything fell into place. That was when I started acting more; I felt like I'd found my place in… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
Every guy is different, but just prepare to know him in a different way and be OK with it, because the times I've lived… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
I think that men think they need their man caves. They don't really do. They think they want them, and then the second they… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
I would never say that I'm good at being on dates. I think I like to try to find a connection with somebody, like,… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
Women, tend to talk more than men, and they do this thing where they say things that can easily be shown. Like, they don't… — Chris D'Elia Copy Share Image
