The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When you fix something with your hands it gives you a sense of accomplishment and a sense of self worth. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control! — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand while writing in Greek with the other. I would give my right… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I love all these politicians, they all say the same thing - 'We'll give California back to the people.' Yeah, great, now… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The heaviest snowfall in over 60 years is being reported in Beijing, China. To give you an idea of how bad it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A lot of American companies are now moving into Iraq. Iraq now has Pizza Hut, Subway, Taco Bell and Popeye's fried chicken.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Pundits are saying that President Obama is starting to lose support among his own party. To give you an idea of how… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry fell off of his bicycle over the weekend. He went for a Sunday afternoon ride, fell off in front of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
US officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I'm no a veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He's the first wired president. ... He might have to give his Blackberry… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner have agreed to play a round of golf together. Imagine the two of them at… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists are complaining that the new dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name:… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new Constitution? Why not just give them ours? We're not using it anymore. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That's a comforting thought… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Perry was philosophical about (his election losses). He said, 'Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ' He said at… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Chris Christie won by such a wide margin that pundits say this will give him the impetus he needs to run for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take "a harder stance" on the death penalty. What's a harder… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you think of life as like a big pie, you can try to hold the whole pie and kill yourself trying… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
