People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. — George Burns Copy Share Image
Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You… — George Burns Copy Share
Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been… — George Burns Copy Share
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. — George Burns Copy Share
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. — George Burns Copy Share
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the… — George Burns Copy Share
I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still do. — George Burns Copy Share
By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and… — George Burns Copy Share
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands. — George Burns Copy Share
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to… — George Burns Copy Share
