Funny drinking Quotes

God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

— Ed McMahon

What's made Milwaukee famous has made a loser out of me.

— Glenn Sutton

I drink to make other people more interesting.

— Anonymous

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

— Mark Twain

Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

— Edgar Allan Poe

Protocol, alcohol, and Geritol.

— Adlai E. Stevenson

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

— N. F. Simpson

We drink [to] one another's health and spoil our own.

— Jerome K. Jerome

Any damn fool can navigate the world sober. It takes a really good sailor to do it drunk.

— Francis Chichester

Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

— Jim Jefferies

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

— Dudley Moore

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.

— Richard Pryor

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my…

— Dorothy Parker

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

— Noel Coward

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.

— Brendan Behan

The British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier…

— Conan O'Brien

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be…

— Chelsea Handler

I don't have a drink problem. But if that was the case and doctors told me I had to stop, I'd like…

— Oliver Reed

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most…

— Thomas de Quincey

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer…

— Mark Twain

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today…

— Winston Churchill

I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie…

— P. J. O'Rourke

He that drinks fast, pays slow. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. There can't be…

— Benjamin Franklin

The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly…

— H. L. Mencken

My name is Adam. My father's name is Adam. Having the same name as your father, it's alright until your voice changes.…

— Adam Sandler

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

— Frank Zappa

Don't trust people who don't laugh. I don't.

— Maya Angelou

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

— Nancy Astor

I don't trust people who don't use profanity.

— Mark Oliver Everett

Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

— Celia Rivenbark

I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

— Adrian Rogers

There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink.

— Oscar Wilde

Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough.

— Ernest Hemingway

My advice to you... is to start drinking heavily.

— John Belushi

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

— Albert Einstein

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

— Winston Churchill

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most.

— Dorothy Parker

We drink and we die and continue to drink.

— Denis Leary