A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world! — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. — Winston Spear Copy Share Image
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know... the birth of Santa. — Bart Simpson Copy Share Image
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
The earth has grown old with its burden of care, But at Christmas it always is young… — Phillips Brooks Copy Share Image
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it werent for Christmas, Wed all be Jewish. — Benny Hill Copy Share Image
You can never truly enjoy Christmas until you can look up into the Father's face and tell him you have received his… — John R. Rice Copy Share Image
Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child,… — Oren Arnold Copy Share Image
Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something… — Kate Langley Bosher Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I truly believe that if we keep telling the Christmas story, singing the Christmas songs, and living the Christmas spirit, we can… — Norman Vincent Peale Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. its only fair since youre getting the credit for the gifts, that you should… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We have a small, tight family. I left home at a young age and the best thing for me was to go… — Jimmy Roy Copy Share Image
Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day. — Helen Steiner Rice Copy Share Image
Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he… — Shirley Temple Copy Share Image
No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. — Oren Arnold Copy Share Image
Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish. — Benny Hill Copy Share Image
Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. It is Christmas in the heart that puts… — William Thomas Ellis Copy Share Image
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas! — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
