Funny alcohol Quotes

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

— Adolphus Busch

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

— Mark Twain

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

Babies are like the smallest, drunkest people you know.

— Nick Swardson

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

— Mark Twain

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.

— Brendan Behan

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

— Dave Moulton

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

— Oscar Levant

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

— Phyllis Diller

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

— Noel Coward

A horrid alcoholic explosion scatters all my good intentions like bits of limbs and clothes over the doorsteps and into the saloon…

— Dylan Thomas

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most…

— Thomas de Quincey

Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do…

— George Bernard Shaw

I blew the lot on vodka and tonic, gambling and fags. Looking back, I think I overdid it on the tonic.

— Stan Bowles

BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts…

— Ambrose Bierce

I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things . . . nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;…

— William Shakespeare

The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly…

— H. L. Mencken

I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those…

— Abraham Lincoln

As long as you represent me as praising alcohol I shall not complain. It is, I believe, the greatest of human inventions,…

— H. L. Mencken

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

— N. F. Simpson

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

— Mitch Hedberg

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

— Frank Zappa

Alcohol kills slowly. Good, I'm in no hurry.

— Coluche

It's funny how alcohol can make the clothes come off.

— Anonymous

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars.

— Winston Churchill

Don't trust people who don't laugh. I don't.

— Maya Angelou

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

— Nancy Astor

I don't trust people who don't use profanity.

— Mark Oliver Everett

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

— Celia Rivenbark

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

— W. C. Fields

I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

— Adrian Rogers

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.

— Benjamin Franklin

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

— Oscar Wilde

Don't trust a brilliant idea unless it survives the hangover.

— Jimmy Breslin

I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I'm cooking.

— Julia Child

Always be drunk ... Get drunk militantly. Just get drunk.

— Charles Baudelaire

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

— Albert Einstein

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

— Winston Churchill