My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
My heart goes out to anyone who is making his first appearance before an audience of human beings. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If there was two birds sitting on a fence, he would bet you which one would fly first. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man's first duty is to his own conscience and honor; the party and country come second to that, and never first. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It was on the 10th day of May - 1884 - that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It's an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It's awful undermining to the intellect, German is; you want to take it in small doses, or first you know your brains… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
...one of the first achievements of the legislature was to institute a ten-thousand-dollar agricultural fair to show off forty dollars' worth of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Where was the use, originally, in rushing this whole globe through in six days? It is likely that if more time had… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A jackass has that kind of strength, and puts it to a useful purpose, and is valuable to the world because he… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I am trying to get the hang of this new fangled writing machine, but I am not making a shining success of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You need not expect to get your book right the first time. Go to work and revamp or rewrite it. God only… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I will now claim - until dispossesed - that I was the first person in the world to apply the typewriter to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. From the code… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance; the last half consists of the chance without… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The secret to success: find out where people are going and get there first — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You can't reason someone out of something that they weren't reasoned into in the first place. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel;… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share
