“Okay, Dumb Diary, school has taught me a few things over the years. Once, it taught me the difference between alligators and crocodiles. (Even… — Jim Benton Copy Share
This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when… — Jim Benton Copy Share
How Superheroes Make Money: - Spider-Man knits sweaters. - Superman screw the lids on pickle jars. - Iron Man, as you would suspect, just… — Jim Benton Copy Share
“The following ten throws went a variety of places. I never hit the target, but I was getting closer. Isabella was laughing so hard… — Jim Benton Copy Share
I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this… — Jim Benton Copy Share
He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume. — Jim Benton Copy Share
“Mrs. Palmer is a teacher so naturally I assumed she would never do anything good for me.” — Jim Benton Copy Share
I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had… — Jim Benton Copy Share
The Destructive Arts are exactly like Martial Arts, except they don't have uniforms or usefulness and the end result doesn't resemble art in any… — Jim Benton Copy Share
I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo… — Jim Benton Copy Share
“Life is like a pizza. It is good to eat. You better share your pizza with me. You greedy Piggy slob.” — Jim Benton Copy Share
