Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of… — Lewis Black Copy Share
“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.” — Lewis Black Copy Share
These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' — Lewis Black Copy Share
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow… — Lewis Black Copy Share
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black Copy Share
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't… — Lewis Black Copy Share
Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York. — Lewis Black Copy Share
“At seven p.m., hope is sparked again when some new chirpy airline employee announces that a new plane without that nasty mechanical problem -… — Lewis Black Copy Share
