Dad Quotes by Christopher Titus

The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and…

— Christopher Titus

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

— Christopher Titus

They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won; she made me live with Dad.

— Christopher Titus

A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad,…

— Christopher Titus

Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.

— Christopher Titus

If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck…

— Christopher Titus

Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"

— Christopher Titus

Denial is a powerful weapon. My dad taught me mind over matter. No matter how hurt I got, he didn't mind.

— Christopher Titus

To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has…

— Christopher Titus

Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us.…

— Christopher Titus

My father, never chooses me for anything. Unless he needs a human shield. Thirty years and all I am to him is…

— Christopher Titus

The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night.…

— Christopher Titus

I'm glad I was raised by my dad for other reasons, too. There are things you can learn from a father, as…

— Christopher Titus

Of course, here's the weird part. After I fought my dad, all of a sudden we're buddies now. Like he's my friend…

— Christopher Titus

My mum is in a mental hospital. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Winston Churchill, Mozart, John Lennon. These people…

— Christopher Titus

My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a…

— Christopher Titus

Your first leader is your dad. 'course he controls your food and shelter, so, he's not really a leader, he's more of…

— Christopher Titus

Normal people, want to be accepted. Screwed up people, want to be accepted. It's one of the few things we have in…

— Christopher Titus

Everybody's a racist. It's the one human trait that makes us all exactly the same. Deep down, we only like people who…

— Christopher Titus

When you screw up, you got to pay the price. Shoot up a supermarket, you go to jail. Ride a motorcycle without…

— Christopher Titus

I can't stop some idiot from crashing into a building or blowing up a bus, I can only be your dad and…

— Christopher Titus

There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best they're probably…

— Christopher Titus

Fathers and sons are natural enemies. Look at any species. Shark, sees his father in the water, he's not thinking, Hey dad,…

— Christopher Titus

My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think my…

— Christopher Titus

My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to…

— Christopher Titus

My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them instantly.

— Christopher Titus

My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say "Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha."

— Christopher Titus

A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.

— Christopher Titus

All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes…

— Christopher Titus

My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.

— Christopher Titus

My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand…

— Christopher Titus

Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasn't…

— Christopher Titus

Growing up, road trips with Dad were something I hated. Sitting still for hours, singing that stupid song, "100 bottles of beer…

— Christopher Titus

I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver…

— Christopher Titus

I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get…

— Christopher Titus

My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding…

— Christopher Titus

How far would you go for someone you love ? I heard this story, about this woman, who actually lifted a car…

— Christopher Titus

The towers fell, and the first thing that went through my head was my dad's voice: 'Well, you brought a new life…

— Christopher Titus

Dad is a new person. A person who has learned that forgiveness is better then revenge. Next year, we'll teach him that…

— Christopher Titus

In a crisis, my family puts aside all its petty differences and hatreds... Because a crisis, is a perfect opportunity to create…

— Christopher Titus