Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
