Atheism Quotes by Mark Twain

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

— Mark Twain

This is the only sane clerical the earthquake has exposed to view yet.

— Mark Twain

Against a diseased imagination demonstration goes for nothing.

— Mark Twain

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

— Mark Twain

Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.

— Mark Twain

In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.

— Mark Twain

If Christ were here now, there is one thing he would not be a Christian.

— Mark Twain

It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so.""

— Mark Twain

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

— Mark Twain

Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle…

— Mark Twain

To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.

— Mark Twain

“If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks.”

— Mark Twain

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.

— Mark Twain

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if…

— Mark Twain

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; ... I should be sorry to have…

— Mark Twain

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I…

— Mark Twain

In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings.…

— Mark Twain

The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as…

— Mark Twain

For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe &…

— Mark Twain

One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. From the code…

— Mark Twain

It is easy to see that the inventor of the heaven did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies…

— Mark Twain

But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed…

— Mark Twain

Strange a God who mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness, then invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none Himself;…

— Mark Twain

The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive ... but in spite of their religion, not because of it. The…

— Mark Twain

Nevertheless we have this curious spectacle: daily the trained parrot in the pulpit gravely delivers himself of these ironies, which he has…

— Mark Twain

This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few…

— Mark Twain

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.

— Mark Twain

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

— Mark Twain

When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

— Mark Twain

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

— Mark Twain

Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.

— Mark Twain

Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.

— Mark Twain

If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does…

— Mark Twain

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not…

— Mark Twain

You can never find a Christian who has acquired this valuable knowledge, this saving knowledge, by any process but the everlasting and…

— Mark Twain

Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience; multiply and replenish the earth. To it…

— Mark Twain

Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty - to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts…

— Mark Twain

The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I…

— Mark Twain

There is no other life; life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If…

— Mark Twain

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

— Mark Twain