We're cognizant, curious beings, capable of philosophical thought, nuclear physics, repeating Nerf weapons, global consciousness, Glade air fresheners, and sentient automobiles. But we're assholes first. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“I find it consistently difficult to get around the notion that we are all, in our very natures, assholes. I am an asshole. I’m afraid you are also. That’s why the conversation about good manners even exists in the first… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I worked a lot in Chicago's theater scene as a fight choreographer. And so I do have a lot of experience in stage combat… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
I think that laziness in many ways is the human condition, and that's what has led us to this place where, as we've developed… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
“Of course, my fundamentals may not work for everyone. A beautiful aspect of the human race is our endless variety. Like maple leaves and… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
“Whatever the adversity, if a man is on hand to provide ease to a lady’s cause, I think he’s a shitheel if he stands… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day. — Nick Offerman Copy Share
I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good. — Nick Offerman Copy Share
I think that purity creates not only a higher level of artistic vision but a purer work ethic. — Nick Offerman Copy Share
Auditioning for television shows - to find a guy who has a lot of experience as a laborer is a bit of an anomaly.… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
My uncles, who are farmers in Minooka, Illinois - I grew up with them and their pickup trucks and mustaches, and to me that… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business - or perhaps society steers them toward it - because they're beautiful. — Nick Offerman Copy Share
You know, even working actors can end up having a lot of spare time. And you can either go sit at the Starbucks and… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
“I love my country. Holy shit, do I love America. In many ways, it is the glorious result of some very open-minded thinking on… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
People are afraid that they're going to upset somebody on top, and so there's a real sense of, I've got to be quiet, I… — Nick Offerman Copy Share
Branding is quite an important thing. As an artist, you want to be able to explore facets of yourself. — Nick Offerman Copy Share
