Yo momma so ugly she makes onions cry.

“TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between”

— Various

“I'll just have a glass of water.”

— Various

“Must the Earth forever be arranged like an ocean steamer, with large, luxurious rooms and luxurious food for a select few, and underneath in…

— Various

“God is worming out His and our adversaries, which He will do by little and little, till they be consumed. The covenant is seasonable.”

— Various

“it is no less since this same Confession of Faith was first subscribed and sworn to. And it has been still in use yearly…

— Various

“sees the Sights, under Perplexing Difficulties. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin' ex-Statesman,”

— Various

“What do you call a hundred blondes stacked on top of each other? An air mattress.”

— Various

“Thou wouldst never have chosen Him, if that loving and gracious God had not chosen thee.”

— Various

“Behold, and be awakened; behold, and be excited; behold, and be comforted; behold, and admire; behold, and wonder, that the King of heaven's Son…

— Various

“seal. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A baseball walks…

— Various

“I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I presume you…

— Various

Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar. Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no…

— Various

“I heard that if you play a Windows CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you…

— Various

“holiness is a privilege, as well as a duty; it is a reward, a benefit to him who walks therein.”

— Various

“Music touches our hearts and moves our souls. Music has moods. Music can make us happy, relaxed or exhilarated. Music is sounds and voices…

— Various