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I have been looking at the marriage service in the…

“I have been looking at the marriage service in the Prayer-book, and it seems to me very humiliating that a giver-away should be required at all. According to the ceremony as there printed, my bridegroom chooses me of his own will and pleasure; but I don’t choose him. Somebody gives me to him, like…” quote by Thomas Hardy
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““I have been looking at the marriage service in the Prayer-book, and it seems to me very humiliating that a giver-away should be required at all. According to the ceremony as there printed, my bridegroom chooses me of his own will and pleasure; but I don’t choose him. Somebody gives me to him, like a she-ass or she-goat, or any other domestic animal.””

Thomas Hardy

About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

Critiques the marriage ceremony's language of transfer, likening it to treating a bride as property given away, which feels degrading.

In simple terms: The ceremony treats the bride like a handed‑over object.

Key Takeaway

Marriage rites can objectify participants.

Themes

marriage gender ritual

Mood

critical thoughtful

Type

social

When to use this quote

  • wedding planning
  • feminist critique workshops
  • religious reform debates

Key Concepts

social power dynamics

Practical Applications

  • reframe vows for mutual consent
  • promote egalitarian ceremony language

Questions to Reflect On

  • How can ceremonies honor agency?
  • What alternatives exist to the 'giving away' metaphor?
A Different Perspective

Some traditions view the language symbolically, not literally, reducing perceived offense.

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