Life before toilet paper was not worth living.

It's so funny that I mostly keep calm and thinki about life when I'm on the toilet

— Simphiwe Scientist Dumi

You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's…

— Anonymous

Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? 'Cause…

— Bill Engvall

The only thing I use the Rolling Stone for is toilet paper when I run out.

— Neal Schon

Hate American toilets with only toilet paper and no bidets.

— Shenaz Treasury

You've no idea how wonderful toilet paper is until it's taken away from you by an unfeeling universe. I think it's the defining characteristic…

— Peter F. Hamilton

A long white ribbon shot out of the crack in the wall. The ribbon just kept coming, weaving itself into some kind of shape…

— Rick Riordan

Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just…

— Terrence Howard

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

— Andy Rooney

One of the most jolting days of adulthood comes the first time you run out of toilet paper. Toilet paper, up until this point,…

— Kelly Williams Brown

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

— Joel Madden

I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want…

— Sheryl Crow

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.

— Sheryl Crow

You can't put toilet paper in the toilet [in the space ship], so there's a separate vacuum can in front of you on the…

— Mike Mullane

You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

— Dane Cook