Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never…

You can behave as badly as you like in America. Nobody notices.

— Quentin Crisp

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

— Quentin Crisp

“Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who, before anything has reared its ugly…

— Quentin Crisp

I am the last of Britain's stately homos.

— Quentin Crisp

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

— Quentin Crisp

Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in…

— Quentin Crisp

Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps.

— Quentin Crisp

Most men when they make up their faces, the makeup stands forward, and their faces are behind.

— Quentin Crisp

Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.

— Quentin Crisp

Women have decided to be people, which is a great mistake. Women were nicer than people.

— Quentin Crisp

Sex is the last refuge of the misreable.

— Quentin Crisp

I was amazed to receive later a substantial sum for sitting in my room and talking about myself. If only I could get some…

— Quentin Crisp

If you live in America, you don't have to work. You can just drift along in the smiling and nodding racket.

— Quentin Crisp

“I was from birth an object of mild ridicule because of my movements - especially the perpetual flutter of my hands - and my…

— Quentin Crisp

If a man were to look over the fence on one side of his garden and observe that the neighbor on his left had…

— Quentin Crisp