I lie in a bathtub of cold water, still sweating and…
““I lie in a bathtub of cold water, still sweating and singing love songs to myself. I put the gun to my head and cock it. I think of my Grandma and remember that old feeling of being so in love that nothing matters except seeing and being seen by her. I drop the gun to my chest. I'm so sad and I can't really see a way out of what I'm feeling but I'm leaning on memory for help. Faster. Slower. I think I want to hurt myself more than I'm already hurting. I'm not the smartest boy in the world by a long shot, but even in my funk I know that easy remedies like eating your way out of sad, or fucking your way out of sad, or lying your way out of sad, or slanging your way out of sad, or robbing your way out of sad, or gambling your way out of sad, or shooting your way out of sad, are just slower, more acceptable ways for desperate folks, and especially paroled black boys in our country, to kill ourselves and others close to us in America.””
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
A raw confession of deep despair, juxtaposing self-harm thoughts with fleeting moments of love and memory, highlighting how coping mechanisms can become harmful cycles.
In simple terms: Despair mixed with love and memory, showing harmful coping.
Key Takeaway
Seek help, share feelings, break harmful cycles.
Themes
mental health
despair
coping
identity
race
Mood
anguished
hopeful
reflective
Type
personal
cautionary
emotive
When to use this quote
- personal crisis
- therapy
- support groups
- community outreach
Key Concepts
self‑harm
memory
addiction
social pressure
Questions to Reflect On
- What healthier outlets can replace self‑harm?
- How can community support intervene?
A Different Perspective
Self‑harm may be a symptom of untreated trauma and systemic neglect.