Can’t you fall in love and not have a possessive…
““Can’t you fall in love and not have a possessive relationship? I love someone and she loves me and we get married – that is all perfectly straightforward and simple, in that there is no conflict at all. Can’t one have that without the other, without the tail, as it were, necessarily following? Can’t two people be in love and both be so intelligent and so sensitive that there is freedom and absence of a centre that makes for conflict? Conflict is not in the feeling of being in love. The feeling of being in love is utterly without conflict. There is no loss of energy in being in love. The loss of energy is in the tail, in everything that follows – jealousy, possessiveness, suspicion, doubt, the fear of losing that love, the constant demand for reassurance and security. Surely it must be possible to function in a sexual relationship with someone you love without the nightmare which usually follows. Of course it is.””
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
Love itself is a pure, conflict‑free feeling; the jealousy, possessiveness, and fear arise only in the mental “tail” that follows love.
In simple terms: Love is pure; problems come after.
Key Takeaway
Recognize love’s core and separate it from insecurities.
Themes
love
psychology
relationships
freedom
conflict
Mood
reflective
hopeful
analytical
Type
philosophical
inspirational
advice
When to use this quote
- marriage counseling
- personal therapy
- relationship education
- self‑reflection
- conflict resolution
Key Concepts
attachment theory
mindfulness
ego
emotional regulation
Questions to Reflect On
- How can you distinguish love’s pure feeling from the anxieties that follow?
- What practices help keep love free of possessiveness?
A Different Perspective
The “tail” may be deeply ingrained, making it hard to separate love from fear.