Oh God. I'm jealous of farts.

Many individuals spend a considerable portion of their lifetimes in terror of one imagined catastrophe or another. The classic is that your immortal soul…

— L. Neil Smith

My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts.

— Carl Barron

There are more microbes per person than the entire population of the world. Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale…

— Alan Bennett

“What’s so special about being a human? I’ve had farts that have lingered longer than a human lifespan.”

— Robert Bevan

“Malnutrition is a plague in the elderly.”

— Steven Magee

I used to love wearing leather pants, but then I realized I had to wear something that lets the farts out.

— Author Name

The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!

— Jessica Simpson

“Today, I made a log of farts.”

— Esther Pearl Watson

“Farting, don't think, just fart.”

— John Cage

I challenge you to find a more loyal pet on which to blame your farts.

— Anonymous

There's a Drunk Midget in My House Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like…

— Tina Fey

No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy…

— George Lopez

Kids are like farts. You dont mind your own, but other peoples are unbearable.

— Emalie Newhall

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

— Tina Fey

I still like farts. I still think farts are some of the funniest things.

— Thomas Middleditch