I speak as a judge and I know that I was guilty. Even in…
““I speak as a judge and I know that I was guilty. Even in the whirl in which I was caught up, and though I was alone without a guide or counsellor, I was, I swear, conscious of my downfall, and so there's no excuse for me. And yet, for those two months I was almost happy -- why, almost? I was quite happy! And so happy -- would it be believed -- that the consciousness of my degradation, of which I had glimpses at moments (frequent moments!) and which made me shudder in my inmost soul, only intoxicated me more. "What do I care if I'm fallen! And i won't fall, I'll get out of it! I have a lucky star!" I was crossing a precipice on a thin plank without a rail, and I was pleased at my position, and even peeped into the abyss. It was risky and it was delightful. And "my idea"? My "idea" later, the idea would wait. Everything that happened was simply "a temporary deviation." "Why not enjoy oneself?" That's what was amiss with my idea. I repeat, it admitted of all sorts of deviations; if it had not been so firm and fundamental I might have been afraid of deviating.””
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
Even in guilt and suffering, one can find fleeting joy and a desire to defy fate, though it may be self‑deceptive.
In simple terms: Guilt can coexist with fleeting happiness.
Key Takeaway
Recognize self‑deception.
Themes
guilt
joy
self‑deception
existential conflict
Mood
introspective
philosophical
Type
existential
literary
When to use this quote
- personal crisis
- creative work
- moral dilemmas
- risk taking
Key Concepts
psychology
philosophy
human nature
Questions to Reflect On
- What does fleeting joy reveal about coping?
- Can embracing discomfort lead to authentic change?
A Different Perspective
Such rationalizations may prevent true growth.