How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to…

You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work.

— David Thorne

“I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out and I am not a fan of carrying…

— David Thorne

“If you had managed to persuade my mother not to procreate, I would not exist to send you the plans for constructing your own…

— David Thorne

“Charity is detrimental unless it helps the recipient become independent of it.”

— David Thorne

“I do not own any camping gear, but this is not a problem, as I have watched every season of Survivor.”

— David Thorne

“In my country, terawatt globes are reserved for police helicopter chases and warning sailors of hazardous shoals. This is despite the fact that practically…

— David Thorne

“It is not necessary to attempt a resolution when it is self-resolving.”

— David Thorne

Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense

— David Thorne

“While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think…

— David Thorne

“The four seasons in Australia consist of "fuck it's hot," "Can you believe how fucking hot it is?", "I won't be in today because…

— David Thorne

“I was commissioned to write copy for an annual publication produced by Top Tourist Parks of Australia. After a print run of seventy-five thousand…

— David Thorne

I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism.

— David Thorne

“Is the guy in the wheelchair in Glee acting or is he a real parallelogram?”

— David Thorne

Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.

— David Thorne

“I understand the need for conformity. Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense.…

— David Thorne