Janna knew - Rikki knew — and I knew, too — that becoming…
““Janna knew - Rikki knew — and I knew, too — that becoming Dr Cameron West wouldn't make me feel a damn bit better about myself than I did about being Citizen West. Citizen West, Citizen Kane, Sugar Ray Robinson, Robinson Crusoe, Robinson miso, miso soup, black bean soup, black sticky soup, black sticky me. Yeah. Inside I was still a fetid and festering corpse covered in sticky blackness, still mired in putrid shame and scorching self-hatred. I could write an 86-page essay comparing the features of Borderline Personality Disorder with those of Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I barely knew what day it was, or even what month, never knew where the car was parked when Dusty would come out of the grocery store, couldn't look in the mirror for fear of what—or whom—I'd see. ~ Dr Cameron West describes living with DID whilst studying to be a psychologist.””
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
The narrator feels that adopting a new identity or professional title does not alleviate deep self‑shame and fragmented self‑image caused by dissociative identity disorder and borderline personality traits.
In simple terms: Changing titles won’t heal inner shame.
Key Takeaway
Seek genuine self‑acceptance beyond labels.
Themes
identity
shame
mental health
self‑perception
Mood
conflicted
somber
introspective
Type
personal
clinical
reflective
When to use this quote
- therapy sessions
- academic study
- personal journaling
- support groups
Key Concepts
Dissociation
borderline traits
self‑image
stigma
Questions to Reflect On
- How can one reconcile professional roles with fragmented self?
- What steps help reduce self‑shame in DID?
A Different Perspective
Self‑diagnosis may overlook professional help needed.