“This is not at all funny." "Which is why I'm not laughing.” — Dani Alexander Comedy Copy Share Image
“Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid.” — Dani Alexander Funny Copy Share Image
“I was going to be mature about this. And ignore him.” — Dani Alexander Dani-alexander Copy Share Image
“Risking career over paying a hustler for not having sex with you. Brilliant, Austin. You fail at prostitution.” — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Are you in love with me?" I asked, grinding my nails into my palms. "Yes," he said simply. "But not yet” — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“I smiled at Peter with teeth clenched so tight, plaque could crumble off.” — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Let me assure you, you are an ass in the best sense of the word. You don't take shit from people.” — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Spread those what? Cheeks? Legs? Lies? Rumors? Okay, I was just kidding myself with those last two.” — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“I'd rather have a footwear fetish than a sudden attraction to penises? Yeah, that sounded about right.” — Dani Alexander Fetish Copy Share Image
“I was not insecure. I was a perfectly normal combination of arrogant and narcissistic.” — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Let me know when you're done with this conversation. Peter needs his tongue bath. I mean sponge bath.” — Dani Alexander Communication Copy Share Image
“You know what I find ironic? My homophobic mother offers you her cabbage rolls as a truce and you respond by asking… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“I had one friend with same-sex orientation, and Dana hadn't spoken to me since I asked her to describe her honeymoon in… — Dani Alexander Comedy Copy Share Image
“What I knew, beyond a doubt, was that if I continued to deny who I was, I'd end up with my service… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Suck my dick, Peter," I echoed. He scraped his teeth along my side. "Now say,'Please', Austin." His fingers pried at my belt.… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Yeah well, I keep trying to explain to my dick that you're a lying, manipulative whore, but it has selective hearing and… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“I was avoiding the computer because of the gay porn, avoiding Angelica because I was guilty of wanting to watch gay porn,… — Dani Alexander Computers Copy Share Image
“People aren't always who they seem, Detective. Am I anything like you thought?" "No," I admitted. You're a million times better than… — Dani Alexander Detective Copy Share Image
“My father married my mother three days after they met. Your father also killed and maimed people for a living. How about… — Dani Alexander Father Copy Share Image
“I honestly had no idea why I was there, or why I couldn't keep my mind of him. Him. I even had… — Dani Alexander Fantasies Copy Share Image
“Peter to Austin: “Here are the facts, Austin. You’ve been engaged four times. You’ve cheated on every single one of them. You’re… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Is he my competition?” I asked. “Everyone is your competition.” Peter lifted his hand to his eyes and began lowering it incrementally.… — Dani Alexander Competition Copy Share Image
“Tell me something good about your life," I whispered, needing to hear that he wasn't as broken as I thought him to… — Dani Alexander Life Copy Share Image
“Clean," Peter said. "Can I get a water bottle or something to clean his hands?" I scanned the crowd. He drew my… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“What the fuck are you doing with your life?” “Dating hookers, learning the gay, housing criminals, pissing off my fellow cops, and… — Dani Alexander Alien life Copy Share Image
“When I was in eighth grade, I used a self-timing camera to take nude pictures of myself in various stages of erection.… — Dani Alexander Comedy Copy Share Image
“Fucking cracker,” Alvarado hissed as he was shoved into the patrol car. “Aw, that’s discrimination, right there.” I feigned hurt. “See, I… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Whiskey, glass, pour, toss back, glare. Repeat. “Cop out,” I slurred in retaliation, pointing the empty glass at Peter. “Don’t get drunk.… — Dani Alexander Drunk Copy Share Image
“Bunny Slippers watched my appraisal for at least a full minute before clasping his hands and resting them on the table. “You… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“I looked at our hands, caked and coated in red, but entwined. The pristine moment when they were clasped like that earlier… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“Ask me for money, Peter.” I grabbed his wrists and pushed him against the wall. He looked everywhere but at me, no… — Dani Alexander Copy Share Image
“What is wrong with you?” He glared at me. “I’m somewhat sure I’m suddenly gay,” I shrugged, “My father and mother are… — Dani Alexander Dani-alexander Copy Share Image
“I hated smoking. The smell alone was enough to nauseate me. But right then, more than anything, I wanted to be that… — Dani Alexander Cigarette Copy Share Image
“Peter to Austin: "Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7.” — Dani Alexander Dani-alexander Copy Share Image
