What’s behind your back, baby?” “It’s nothing,” she says…

““What’s behind your back, baby?” “It’s nothing,” she says, her eyes growing bigger the closer I get to her. She starts to turn, and that’s when a big purple dildo fumbles out of her hands, bouncing once before rolling under the bed. “It’s not mine, I swear!” she says, looking distraught, holding up both her hands in front of her. “It’s not your dildo?” I ask, trying not to laugh. “No, it’s my friend’s.” “You have your friend’s dildo?” I c**k my head to the side. “Yes,” she says, her shoulders slumping. “So you’re telling me you keep a dildo…for your friend…in your closet?” I start to laugh. “Oh God, that sounds really stupid.” She covers her face. “I mean, my friend got it for me.” I bend down, picking it up from underneath the bed. The thing is not only bright purple with sparkles, but it has to be at least a foot long and three inches across. “I’m going to kill Maggie,” she whispers with her eyes closed. “Babe, I seriously hope you never tried to use this,” I say, turning it over in my hand. “Oh. My. God. Kill me now,” she groans, her eyes still closed. “Baby.” I laugh so hard that tears start to fall from my eyes. “No, I’m pretending that if I can’t see you, then this isn’t really happening,” she says, making me laugh harder than I have in my entire life. “Look at me,” I finally wheeze out. “Nuh-uh…” she mumbles, eyes still closed.””

— Aurora Rose Reynolds