I can't believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher. — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time? — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing.… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointed… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I don't like the beach. I think we have no business at the beach at all, as a species. We don't belong… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
Well, the film's not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it's pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I think comedy is difficult, and I'm amazed so many people want to do it. I'll be buying jeans and somebody will… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh. — Billy Connolly Copy Share
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the… — Billy Connolly Copy Share
I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God,… — Billy Connolly Copy Share
I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be. — Billy Connolly Copy Share
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it… — Billy Connolly Copy Share
Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a… — Billy Connolly Copy Share
I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if you raise a million pounds within an hour. — Billy Connolly Copy Share
Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose. — Billy Connolly Copy Share
I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them.… — Billy Connolly Copy Share
And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said.… — Billy Connolly Copy Share
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? — Billy Connolly Copy Share
Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin'… — Billy Connolly Copy Share
![“Well, the film's not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it's pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies. I had never read anything like this until I was doing the film, but Mark [Joffe, the director] and people showed me stuff where, like…” quote by Billy Connolly](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/966/billy-connolly-2412_church_well-the-film-s-not-only-pricking-the-po_1074954.jpg)
