The NFL draft is going to be this Thursday. That's a huge night for college players. That's the night they start being… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he's not doing good in Afghanistan either. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the 'economy of privilege.'… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Even Arnold's adviser says he was shocked by his decision to run. I mean, his people were backstage that night and they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Last night, John McCain said that under the Democratic health care plan, a bureaucrat would stand between you and your doctor, as… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Ron Paul is in favor of letting states legalize marijuana, prostitution, and cocaine. So even if he doesn't win, that's going to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we're the only place that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama flew to a rally in Las Vegas last night. However, he did not visit any of the casinos. You know… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Jesse Jackson's wife was arrested in Puerto Rico while protesting the naval bombings there. Jesse said he was holding a meeting with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Last night, we had the first gubernatorial debate. Some people are criticizing Schwarzenegger for not going. They say Arnold goes around telling… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One of President Obama's winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
How many watched the President's speech last night? [half-hearted audience applause] How many watched American Idol ? [thundering applause] Okay, there you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mirror interviewed one of Osama bin Laden's sons and said bin Laden has 42 children. That's going to happen when you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The other night, President Bush's press conference was pre-empted by 'American Idol.' You know the difference between President Bush and 'American Idol?'… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
![“How many watched the President's speech last night? [half-hearted audience applause] How many watched American Idol ? [thundering applause] Okay, there you go! You get the government you deserve.” quote by Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/bcd/jay-leno-210_american-idol_how-many-watched-the-president-s-speech_2729344.png)
