Thanks for agreeing not to buy each other anything for Christmas and then making me feel guilty by buying something anyway. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd gladly take your eight days of Hanukkah over our six weeks of Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm helping the environment this holiday season by immediately recycling your Christmas card. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's hope the kids are stupid enough to believe Santa bought them this year's budget-conscious, crappy gifts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong Il. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Rest assured your drunken comments at the office holiday party can't be any more awkward than your sober comments in meetings. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May this be the year your significant other gives you a better gift than your Secret Santa does. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm dreaming of a Christmas as white but not nearly as depressing as the Republican party. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Take comfort in knowing the booze I drank using the money set aside for your gift helped me get over the guilt… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“In my country childhood, we had many Christmas traditions: the fun and adventure of cutting down a tree from our ranch, hilarious… — Larada Horner-Miller Copy Share Image
I can't believe you're alone over the holidays considering how easy you are to get into bed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry I can't make it to your holiday party that I'm pretending to attend to get out of going to another holiday… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's make holiday plans comprised of me nursing a hangover while watching TV at home alone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Christmas shopping for you has made me realize that I know absolutely nothing about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Tis the season to drink too much with the coworkers, family, and friends who are the reason you drink too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May your holiday season be filled with friends and family who don't bring up your school's horrifying pedophiliac sex scandal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You remind me of Santa in that you work about one day a year and spend the other 364 days judging. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations on having a Christmas tree that's more real than your breasts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can milk a holiday party better than Brett Favre can milk an NFL career. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no limit to the amount of company time I'd waste shopping for your holiday gift. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A holiday miracle would be still fitting into my clothes after the holidays. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm flattered you actually think I can afford the things on your holiday wish list. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
