I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine,… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“What a doctor I’ve got—he’s really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
