I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
