In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You can never find a Christian who has acquired this valuable knowledge, this saving knowledge, by any process but the everlasting and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience; multiply and replenish the earth. To it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; ... I should be sorry to have… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe &… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is easy to see that the inventor of the heaven did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. From the code… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive ... but in spite of their religion, not because of it. The… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Nevertheless we have this curious spectacle: daily the trained parrot in the pulpit gravely delivers himself of these ironies, which he has… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Strange a God who mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness, then invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none Himself;… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If Christ were here now, there is one thing he would not be a Christian. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so."" — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Presbyterianism without infant damnation would be like the dog on the train that couldn't be identified because it had lost its tag. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is no other life; life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share
