“The “symptom” theory goes as follows: An affair simply alerts us to a preexisting condition, either a troubled relationship or a troubled… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
We know desire is rooted in absence and yearning. What you don't have is often ten times richer than what you actually… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Most affairs do die a natural death. Today, you look at your partner's phone to find out the weather, and you find… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. Fear of loss… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
For me, the constitutive element of an affair is the secrecy. It is the secrecy that leads to the lying, to the… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Many couples have never had a conversation about sexuality and sexual boundaries. The presence or lack of sex, the quality of it,… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Secrecy fuels erotic intensity because it makes you feel like you're doing something that is entirely yours. It gives you the sense… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
The one word I hear when people have affairs is that they feel alive. They don't talk about the fact they're having… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
For most couples who come to me - especially in the aftermath of the revelation of an affair, when they are in… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
I say no to a double standard that men can roam and women must stay put at home. I say no to… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
One of the big misconceptions is that affairs or trysts are flings about sex. And sometimes they are, but much more often… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Modern infidelity is different than traditional infidelity and sits on top of the romantic ideal that you find "the one" and that… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
The vast majority of unfaithful people are experiencing a conflict between their values and their behavior, and that is the mess of… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the… — Esther Perel Copy Share
“For [erotically intelligent couples], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life:… — Esther Perel Copy Share
It’s hard to feel attracted to someone who has abandoned her sense of autonomy. — Esther Perel Copy Share
For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal is always… — Esther Perel Copy Share
I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of intimacy and… — Esther Perel Copy Share
“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense… — Esther Perel Copy Share
If you start to feel that you have given up too many parts of yourself to be with your partner, then one day you… — Esther Perel Copy Share
“I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way… — Esther Perel Copy Share
On some level we trade passion for security, that's trading one illusion for another. It's a matter of degree. We can't live in constant… — Esther Perel Copy Share
“When the impulse to share becomes obligatory, when personal boundaries are no longer respected, when only the shared space of togetherness is acknowledged and… — Esther Perel Copy Share
“I do believe that the emphasis on egalitarian and respectful sex—purged of any expressions of power, aggression, and transgression—is antithetical to erotic desire for… — Esther Perel Copy Share
“If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is… — Esther Perel Copy Share
“She’s beautiful, too, did I mention that? She lives the life I didn’t live. I feel middle-age and middle-class around her. Nothing wrong with… — Esther Perel Copy Share
In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays. — Esther Perel Copy Share
