--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It is so tempting to blame those with…" description: "\"“It is so tempting to blame those with whom we are in conflict. Who started the argument, after all, if it wasn’t the other person? Blaming makes us fe..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/846/william-ury-16849_blame-game_it-is-so-tempting-to-blame-those-with-wh_1547514.jpg" --- # It is so tempting to blame those with whom we are in… ![“It is so tempting to blame those with whom we are in conflict. Who started the argument, after all, if it wasn’t the other person? Blaming makes us feel innocent. We are the ones who were wronged. We get to feel righteous and even superior. And blaming also nicely deflects any residual guilt we…” quote by William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/846/william-ury-16849_blame-game_it-is-so-tempting-to-blame-those-with-wh_1547514.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/846/william-ury-16849_blame-game_it-is-so-tempting-to-blame-those-with-wh_1547514.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/846/william-ury-16849_blame-game_it-is-so-tempting-to-blame-those-with-wh_1547514.jpg) > ““It is so tempting to blame those with whom we are in conflict. Who started the argument, after all, if it wasn’t the other person? Blaming makes us feel innocent. We are the ones who were wronged. We get to feel righteous and even superior. And blaming also nicely deflects any residual guilt we might feel. The emotional benefits are clear. But, as I have witnessed in countless conflicts over the years, the costs of the blame game are huge. It escalates disputes needlessly and prevents us from resolving them. It poisons relationships and wastes valuable time and energy. Perhaps most insidiously, it undermines our power: when we blame others for what is wrong in the relationship—whether it is a marital dispute, an office spat, or a superpower clash—we are dwelling on their power and our victimhood. We are overlooking whatever part we may have played in the conflict and are ignoring our freedom to choose how to respond. We are giving our power away.”” [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Blaming shifts responsibility, inflates conflict, and erodes personal power. **In simple terms:** Blame hurts relationships and power. Key Takeaway Own your role, avoid blame. Themes conflict responsibility power Mood reflective serious Type philosophical self-help When to use this quote - marriage - workplace - international diplomacy Key Concepts blame victimhood psychology Questions to Reflect On - How can you address wrongdoing without blaming? - What alternatives to blame exist? A Different Perspective Blame can sometimes expose genuine injustice. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Blame game](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/blame-game/) [Freedom to choose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/freedom-to-choose/) [Time and energy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time-and-energy/) [Valuable time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/valuable-time/) [War](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/war/) ## Related quotes > [Your suffering is never caused by the person you're blaming.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/byron-katie/your-suffering-is-never-caused-by-the-person-you-re-blaming/) [Byron Katie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/byron-katie/) > [“When I talk about responsibility, I am really talking about having power. Blame is about giving away one’s power. Responsibility gives us the power…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-l-hay/when-i-talk-about-responsibility-i-am-really-talking-about-having/) [Louise L. Hay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-l-hay/) > [ One common behavior of late Stage 3 \[in the process of a company's decline\] is when those in power blame other people or external… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-collins/one-common-behavior-of-late-stage-3-in-the-process-of-a-company-s/) [Susan Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-collins/) > [“17. If a thing is in your own power, why do you do it? But if it is in the power of another, whom…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marcus-aurelius/17-if-a-thing-is-in-your-own-power-why-do-you-do-it-but-if-it-is-in/) [Marcus Aurelius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marcus-aurelius/) > [You know what's amazing to me? America. There have been so many people who have stepped up, and I'm just proud to be an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-barkley/you-know-what-s-amazing-to-me-america-there-have-been-so-many-people/) [Charles Barkley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-barkley/) > [“When you're up against adversity, when your shots aren't falling, when guys are hanging on you, pushing you, fouling you, and you're not getting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/walt-frazier/when-you-re-up-against-adversity-when-your-shots-aren-t-falling-when/) [Walt Frazier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/walt-frazier/) > [“Playing the blame game is stupid and childish. Even if it is someone else’s fault, the blame game is wasted time, effort, and energy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/loren-weisman/playing-the-blame-game-is-stupid-and-childish-even-if-it-is-someone/) [Loren Weisman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/loren-weisman/) > [Look in the mirror the person who is there is the only person who can fix whats there the glass dont talk it dont…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-mccarty/look-in-the-mirror-the-person-who-is-there-is-the-only-person-who-can/) [Kevin McCarty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-mccarty/) > [Stop the blame game. Stop! Stop looking out the window and look in the mirror!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-thomas/stop-the-blame-game-stop-stop-looking-out-the-window-and-look-in-the/) [Eric Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-thomas/) > [“If the surprise outcome of the recent UK referendum - on whether to leave or remain in the European Union - teaches us anything,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alex-morritt/if-the-surprise-outcome-of-the-recent-uk-referendum-on-whether-to/) [Alex Morritt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alex-morritt/) > [“Stop blaming other people for your mistakes. Until you are ready to admit that you are infallible, you are vulnerable for failure to whip.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/israelmore-ayivor/stop-blaming-other-people-for-your-mistakes-until-you-are-ready-to/) [Israelmore Ayivor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/israelmore-ayivor/) > [Things without purpose or meaning Entertains me these days Oh, what a blame game Knowing, I cannot share](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-kler/things-without-purpose-or-meaning-entertains-me-these-days-oh-what-a/) [Nick Kler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-kler/) > [“What follow are the most common types of negative self-talk with the keys to taking control of them and turning them around: 1.  Turn I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/travis-bradberry/what-follow-are-the-most-common-types-of-negative-self-talk-with-the/) [Travis Bradberry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/travis-bradberry/) > [“Those who benefit from unearned privilege are too often quick to discount those who don't.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dashanne-stokes/those-who-benefit-from-unearned-privilege-are-too-often-quick-to/) [DaShanne Stokes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dashanne-stokes/) > [The people are fed up with their elected officials playing the blame game and treating their political counterparts as enemies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-lewis/the-people-are-fed-up-with-their-elected-officials-playing-the-blame/) [Carl Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-lewis/) ## More by William Ury > [“How can we get what we really want and at the same time deal with the needs of others in our lives? Perhaps no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/how-can-we-get-what-we-really-want-and-at-the-same-time-deal-with-the/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“Yet, as beneficial as it can be, giving respect is often a difficult concession for people to make. In a problematic situation or relationship,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/yet-as-beneficial-as-it-can-be-giving-respect-is-often-a-difficult/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“My friend Donna even likes to give humorous names to her reactive emotions such as “Freddy Fear,” “Judge Judy,” and “Anger Annie.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/my-friend-donna-even-likes-to-give-humorous-names-to-her-reactive/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“We can make a strong unconditional commitment to ourselves to take care of our deepest needs, no matter what other people do or don’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/we-can-make-a-strong-unconditional-commitment-to-ourselves-to-take/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“have found that this journey from no to yes with myself is not a single trip, but ultimately a lifelong journey. I have been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/have-found-that-this-journey-from-no-to-yes-with-myself-is-not-a/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“She began the conversation with Tom by acknowledging his work and then focused on the problem at hand, sticking strictly to the facts:”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/she-began-the-conversation-with-tom-by-acknowledging-his-work-and/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“Michel de Montaigne noted four centuries ago: “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/michel-de-montaigne-noted-four-centuries-ago-my-life-has-been-full-of/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“The lesson . . . ,” Gilbert says, “is that our longings and our worries are both to some degree overblown because we have within us the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/the-lesson-gilbert-says-is-that-our-longings-and-our-worries-are-both/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“The balcony is a metaphor for a mental and emotional place of perspective, calm, and self-control. If life is a stage and we are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/the-balcony-is-a-metaphor-for-a-mental-and-emotional-place-of/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“George Bernard Shaw once observed: “People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/george-bernard-shaw-once-observed-people-become-attached-to-their/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“He who lives not in time, but in the present, is happy. —LUDWIG VON WITTGENSTEIN”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/he-who-lives-not-in-time-but-in-the-present-is-happy-ludwig-von/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“INTRODUCTION THE FIRST NEGOTIATION Let him who would move the world first move himself. —SOCRATES”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/introduction-the-first-negotiation-let-him-who-would-move-the-world/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“3A trap”: we attack, we accommodate (in other words, give in), or we avoid altogether,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/3a-trap-we-attack-we-accommodate-in-other-words-give-in-or-we-avoid/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“The bedrock desire then, is a universal one: to be loved and happy. This may seem utterly obvious, but uncovering this universal desire can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/the-bedrock-desire-then-is-a-universal-one-to-be-loved-and-happy-this/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“How can we get what we truly want while satisfying the needs and concerns of others in our lives—family members, work colleagues, clients, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/how-can-we-get-what-we-truly-want-while-satisfying-the-needs-and/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) [Explore all 38 William Ury quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) ## More Blame game quotes > [The people are fed up with their elected officials playing the blame game and treating their political counterparts as enemies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-lewis/the-people-are-fed-up-with-their-elected-officials-playing-the-blame/) [Carl Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-lewis/) > [“Those who benefit from unearned privilege are too often quick to discount those who don't.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dashanne-stokes/those-who-benefit-from-unearned-privilege-are-too-often-quick-to/) [DaShanne Stokes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dashanne-stokes/) > [“What follow are the most common types of negative self-talk with the keys to taking control of them and turning them around: 1.  Turn I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/travis-bradberry/what-follow-are-the-most-common-types-of-negative-self-talk-with-the/) [Travis Bradberry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/travis-bradberry/) > [Things without purpose or meaning Entertains me these days Oh, what a blame game Knowing, I cannot share](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-kler/things-without-purpose-or-meaning-entertains-me-these-days-oh-what-a/) [Nick Kler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-kler/) > [“Stop blaming other people for your mistakes. Until you are ready to admit that you are infallible, you are vulnerable for failure to whip.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/israelmore-ayivor/stop-blaming-other-people-for-your-mistakes-until-you-are-ready-to/) [Israelmore Ayivor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/israelmore-ayivor/) > [“If the surprise outcome of the recent UK referendum - on whether to leave or remain in the European Union - teaches us anything,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alex-morritt/if-the-surprise-outcome-of-the-recent-uk-referendum-on-whether-to/) [Alex Morritt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alex-morritt/) > [Stop the blame game. Stop! Stop looking out the window and look in the mirror!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-thomas/stop-the-blame-game-stop-stop-looking-out-the-window-and-look-in-the/) [Eric Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-thomas/) > [Look in the mirror the person who is there is the only person who can fix whats there the glass dont talk it dont…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-mccarty/look-in-the-mirror-the-person-who-is-there-is-the-only-person-who-can/) [Kevin McCarty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-mccarty/) > [“Playing the blame game is stupid and childish. Even if it is someone else’s fault, the blame game is wasted time, effort, and energy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/loren-weisman/playing-the-blame-game-is-stupid-and-childish-even-if-it-is-someone/) [Loren Weisman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/loren-weisman/) > [“When you're up against adversity, when your shots aren't falling, when guys are hanging on you, pushing you, fouling you, and you're not getting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/walt-frazier/when-you-re-up-against-adversity-when-your-shots-aren-t-falling-when/) [Walt Frazier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/walt-frazier/) > [You know what's amazing to me? America. There have been so many people who have stepped up, and I'm just proud to be an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-barkley/you-know-what-s-amazing-to-me-america-there-have-been-so-many-people/) [Charles Barkley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-barkley/) > [The immigrant blame game is constant. Cynical politicians believe it drives poll numbers; cynical commentators believe it drives TV ratings.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/luis-gutierrez/the-immigrant-blame-game-is-constant-cynical-politicians-believe-it/) [Luis Gutierrez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/luis-gutierrez/) > [D day we stop playing the blame game and accept our wrongs and take responsibility for our flaws,that's the day CHANGE will set in.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ash-sweeney/d-day-we-stop-playing-the-blame-game-and-accept-our-wrongs-and-take/) [Ash Sweeney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ash-sweeney/) > [We are about getting things done. We are not about the blame game. We are not about making excuses.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-abbott/we-are-about-getting-things-done-we-are-not-about-the-blame-game-we/) [Tony Abbott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-abbott/) > [“So who lost Iraq? The blame game mostly fingers incompetent Iraqi prime minister Nouri al-Maliki. Or is Barack Obama culpable for pulling out all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/so-who-lost-iraq-the-blame-game-mostly-fingers-incompetent-iraqi/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) [Browse all 66 Blame game quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/blame-game/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It is so tempting to blame those with whom we are in conflict. Who started the argument, after all, if it wasn’t the other person? Blaming makes us feel innocent. We are the ones who were wronged. We get to feel righteous and even superior. And blaming also nicely deflects any residual guilt we might feel. The emotional benefits are clear. But, as I have witnessed in countless conflicts over the years, the costs of the blame game are huge. It escalates disputes needlessly and prevents us from resolving them. It poisons relationships and wastes valuable time and energy. Perhaps most insidiously, it undermines our power: when we blame others for what is wrong in the relationship—whether it is a marital dispute, an office spat, or a superpower clash—we are dwelling on their power and our victimhood. We are overlooking whatever part we may have played in the conflict and are ignoring our freedom to choose how to respond. 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