--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I wanted, for so long, for someone to…" description: "\"“I wanted, for so long, for someone to understand me better than I understood myself, to take control of me, to save me, to make it all better. I thoug..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87e/vironika-tugaleva-2648_abandonment_i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-unde_1773815.jpg" --- # I wanted, for so long, for someone to understand me better… ![“I wanted, for so long, for someone to understand me better than I understood myself, to take control of me, to save me, to make it all better. I thought that the hardest part of a loving, mutually healing relationship would be showing my vulnerable, raw spots to a person, even though I'd been hurt…” quote by Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87e/vironika-tugaleva-2648_abandonment_i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-unde_1773815.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87e/vironika-tugaleva-2648_abandonment_i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-unde_1773815.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87e/vironika-tugaleva-2648_abandonment_i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-unde_1773815.jpg) > ““I wanted, for so long, for someone to understand me better than I understood myself, to take control of me, to save me, to make it all better. I thought that the hardest part of a loving, mutually healing relationship would be showing my vulnerable, raw spots to a person, even though I'd been hurt so many times before. This has not been the hardest part. The actual hardest part has been realizing that no one, no matter how compassionate and kind they are, will say the perfect things always. Myself included. The hardest part has been learning to communicate what I need, to hear what others need, to tell others how to tell me what they need. Intimacy takes communication. A lot of it. We all have triggers. I don't know your triggers, and you don't know mine. No matter how much I love or trust you, you cannot possibly know exactly the words I need to hear, the words I don't want to hear, and the way I like to be touched. And how strange that we expect these things of each other. How strange (and self-sabotaging) that we refuse to get into relationships and friendships with people unless they treat us in just that perfect way. We've been raised to want fairy tales. We've been raised to wait for flawless saviors to rescue us. But the savior isn't flawless and the savior is not coming. The savior is you. The savior is still learning. The savior is never done learning. The savior is a human being. Forget perfect. Forget flawless. And start speaking your truth. Start speaking what you want and how you want it. And start asking and listening, really listening, to what the people around you say. Maybe, then, we will stop abandoning and hurting each other. Maybe, then, there's hope for us.”” [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. True intimacy requires honest communication, acceptance of imperfection, and mutual effort, rather than expecting a flawless savior. **In simple terms:** Intimacy needs honest talk and accepting flaws. Key Takeaway Practice open, vulnerable communication. Themes vulnerability communication imperfection growth Mood hopeful introspective Type self‑help relationship When to use this quote - romantic partnership - friendship - therapy sessions - personal development Key Concepts psychology relationship dynamics Questions to Reflect On - What fears keep you from speaking your truth? - How can you support others without seeking perfection? A Different Perspective Hard to change deep‑seated expectations of perfection. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abandonment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abandonment/) [Communication](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/communication/) [Emotional-triggers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/emotional-triggers-55046/) [Emotions](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/emotions/) [Empathy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/empathy/) [Fairy tale](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fairy-tale/) [Fairy tales](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fairy-tales/) [Healing Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healing-relationship-1803391/) [Inspirational](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/inspirational/) [Intimacy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/intimacy/) [Learning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/learning/) [Listening](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/listening/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Loving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loving/) [Loving Mutually](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loving-mutually-1803393/) [Mutually Healing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mutually-healing-1803392/) [Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships/) [Self -awareness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-awareness/) [Self love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-love/) [Thought Hardest](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thought-hardest-879266/) [Triggers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/triggers/) [Vulnerability](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/vulnerability/) ## Related quotes > [“When I'm triggered, I think, "This will last forever" or "What if this lasts forever?" I get thoughts about how I should give up,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/when-i-m-triggered-i-think-this-will-last-forever-or-what-if-this/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“The crucial ingredient for healing any relationship problem is the willingness to no longer see value in playing the game of blame and guilt.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-jampolsky/the-crucial-ingredient-for-healing-any-relationship-problem-is-the/) [Jerry Jampolsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-jampolsky/) > [“In the same way that our actions can be worth more than a thousand words, the words ‘I’m sorry . . .’ carry enormous…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yilda-rivera/in-the-same-way-that-our-actions-can-be-worth-more-than-a-thousand/) [Yilda Rivera](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yilda-rivera/) > [Empathy provides more than just information about relationships. It is an expression of being in relationship. It is not just a means to better…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maureen-o-hara/empathy-provides-more-than-just-information-about-relationships-it-is/) [Maureen O'Hara](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maureen-o-hara/) > [The people who I thought would be the hardest to work with were the easiest, and the people I thought would be the easiest…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-fitzpatrick/the-people-who-i-thought-would-be-the-hardest-to-work-with-were-the/) [Leo Fitzpatrick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-fitzpatrick/) > [I thought that the hardest part would be the external - would be the - oh, nails and the hair and the makeup and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-tambor/i-thought-that-the-hardest-part-would-be-the-external-would-be-the-oh/) [Jeffrey Tambor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-tambor/) > [There is no labor from which most people shrink as they do from that of sustained and consecutive thought; it is the hardest work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wallace-d-wattles/there-is-no-labor-from-which-most-people-shrink-as-they-do-from-that/) [Wallace D. Wattles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wallace-d-wattles/) > [I bet you never thought the hardest part of finding your ‘saviorʹ would be getting her mom to let her stay out past curfew.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richelle-mead/i-bet-you-never-thought-the-hardest-part-of-finding-your-savior-would/) [Richelle Mead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richelle-mead/) > [“She thought that one of the hardest parts of marriage was being loving when both partners were exhausted or wounded at the same time.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jan-karon/she-thought-that-one-of-the-hardest-parts-of-marriage-was-being/) [Jan Karon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jan-karon/) > [Modern societies accepted the treasures and the power offered them by science. But they have not accepted - they have scarcely even heard -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-monod/modern-societies-accepted-the-treasures-and-the-power-offered-them-by/) [Jacques Monod](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacques-monod/) > [I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe in various degrees of hatred, paranoia, and abandonment. However much of that gets heaped upon…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-rollins/i-don-t-believe-in-fate-or-destiny-i-believe-in-various-degrees-of/) [Henry Rollins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-rollins/) > [In the eyes of those lovers of perfection, a work is never finished a word that for them has no sense but abandoned; and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-valery/in-the-eyes-of-those-lovers-of-perfection-a-work-is-never-finished-a/) [Paul Valery](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-valery/) > [“Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeff-brown/sometimes-people-walk-away-from-love-because-it-is-so-beautiful-that/) [Jeff Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeff-brown/) > [Judaism is absolutely incompatible with the abandonment of the Torah.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/solomon-schechter/judaism-is-absolutely-incompatible-with-the-abandonment-of-the-torah/) [Solomon Schechter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/solomon-schechter/) > [If our faith in God is not the veriest sham, it demands, and will produce, the abandonment sometimes, the subordination always, of external helps…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexander-maclaren/if-our-faith-in-god-is-not-the-veriest-sham-it-demands-and-will/) [Alexander MacLaren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexander-maclaren/) ## More by Vironika Tugaleva > [“What if each time you experienced an emotion, you acknowledged it, accepted it, and became curious about its message for you (instead of trying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/what-if-each-time-you-experienced-an-emotion-you-acknowledged-it/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“Instead of labelling your emotions as problems to solve, you can see them as signals to interpret. Instead of judging your desires as shameful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/instead-of-labelling-your-emotions-as-problems-to-solve-you-can-see/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“The biggest mistake people make when trying to be authentic is just that: they try. They see these role models of what an "authentic"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/the-biggest-mistake-people-make-when-trying-to-be-authentic-is-just/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“We are like puzzle pieces who are perfectly suited to make a giant picture together, but we are assembling ourselves in the dark.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/we-are-like-puzzle-pieces-who-are-perfectly-suited-to-make-a-giant/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“Don't let your fear of criticism suffocate your leadership potential. Once you begin to speak your truth, you will discover the people who have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/don-t-let-your-fear-of-criticism-suffocate-your-leadership-potential/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“This is what a real teacher does: she opens the gates of our minds to the possibilities of the soul.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/this-is-what-a-real-teacher-does-she-opens-the-gates-of-our-minds-to/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“Day after day, more and more medications are prescribed for depression and addiction, assuming that these things run in our blood, when really they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/day-after-day-more-and-more-medications-are-prescribed-for-depression/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“Any piece of advice comes with some risk of creating dependence. What we can do is add trust to the mix so it can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/any-piece-of-advice-comes-with-some-risk-of-creating-dependence-what/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“There was magic. Some kind of alchemy. I don't remember the moment you transformed from a prop into a main character. No, that's not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/there-was-magic-some-kind-of-alchemy-i-don-t-remember-the-moment-you/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“When you love people, you are curious about who they are, what they think, and how they feel. You watch them closely, wondering about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/when-you-love-people-you-are-curious-about-who-they-are-what-they/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“There is no transcending our minds, only using them optimally.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/there-is-no-transcending-our-minds-only-using-them-optimally/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“We throw away real people searching for the "perfect" person the same way that we throw ourselves away searching for our "perfect" self.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/we-throw-away-real-people-searching-for-the-perfect-person-the-same/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“Fear is just a misunderstanding of your immortality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/fear-is-just-a-misunderstanding-of-your-immortality/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“Perhaps the most liberating moment in my life was when I realized that my self-loathing was not a product of my inadequacy but, rather,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/perhaps-the-most-liberating-moment-in-my-life-was-when-i-realized/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“When you discover your own self, you will see that same infinite potential in your lover’s eyes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/when-you-discover-your-own-self-you-will-see-that-same-infinite/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) [Explore all 156 Vironika Tugaleva quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) ## More Abandonment quotes > [If our faith in God is not the veriest sham, it demands, and will produce, the abandonment sometimes, the subordination always, of external helps…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexander-maclaren/if-our-faith-in-god-is-not-the-veriest-sham-it-demands-and-will/) [Alexander MacLaren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexander-maclaren/) > [I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe in various degrees of hatred, paranoia, and abandonment. However much of that gets heaped upon…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-rollins/i-don-t-believe-in-fate-or-destiny-i-believe-in-various-degrees-of/) [Henry Rollins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-rollins/) > [In the eyes of those lovers of perfection, a work is never finished a word that for them has no sense but abandoned; and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-valery/in-the-eyes-of-those-lovers-of-perfection-a-work-is-never-finished-a/) [Paul Valery](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-valery/) > [“Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeff-brown/sometimes-people-walk-away-from-love-because-it-is-so-beautiful-that/) [Jeff Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeff-brown/) > [Modern societies accepted the treasures and the power offered them by science. But they have not accepted - they have scarcely even heard -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-monod/modern-societies-accepted-the-treasures-and-the-power-offered-them-by/) [Jacques Monod](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacques-monod/) > [Judaism is absolutely incompatible with the abandonment of the Torah.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/solomon-schechter/judaism-is-absolutely-incompatible-with-the-abandonment-of-the-torah/) [Solomon Schechter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/solomon-schechter/) > [“Abandonment is ugly.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-moore/abandonment-is-ugly/) [Michelle Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-moore/) > [In our culture of constant access and nonstop media, nothing feels more like a curse from God than time in the wilderness. To be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-martin/in-our-culture-of-constant-access-and-nonstop-media-nothing-feels/) [Jonathan Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-martin/) > [“When you give everything, you have nothing to lose.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-mcgahan/when-you-give-everything-you-have-nothing-to-lose/) [Kate McGahan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-mcgahan/) > [The only thing worse than being abandoned, is not being worthy of an explanation. It hurts to let go... but the feeling you're falling..…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joryneville/the-only-thing-worse-than-being-abandoned-is-not-being-worthy-of-an/) [JoryNeville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joryneville/) > [“I am not so different in my history of abandonment from anyone else after all. We have all been split away from each other,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-griffin/i-am-not-so-different-in-my-history-of-abandonment-from-anyone-else/) [Susan Griffin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-griffin/) > [“The introduction to horrors so young impressed on me just how helpless and vulnerable I was. Parents are supposed to empower their children to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-enevoldsen/the-introduction-to-horrors-so-young-impressed-on-me-just-how/) [Christina Enevoldsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-enevoldsen/) > [Heartbreak has an archetypal core, all heartbroken individuals suffer from the same kind of torture.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ginette-paris/heartbreak-has-an-archetypal-core-all-heartbroken-individuals-suffer/) [Ginette Paris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ginette-paris/) > [“Lonely Balcony The deterioration brought by weariness was visible. Its burden of abandonment can be perceived at a glance. The balcony ache with longings.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iqra-iqbal/lonely-balcony-the-deterioration-brought-by-weariness-was-visible-its/) [iqra iqbal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iqra-iqbal/) > [God causes us to promise in time of peace what He exacts from us in time of war; He enables us to make our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeanne-marie-bouvier-de-la-motte-guyon/god-causes-us-to-promise-in-time-of-peace-what-he-exacts-from-us-in/) [Jeanne Marie Bouvier de la Motte Guyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeanne-marie-bouvier-de-la-motte-guyon/) [Browse all 348 Abandonment quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abandonment/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I wanted, for so long, for someone to understand me better than I understood myself, to take control of me, to save me, to make it all better. I thought that the hardest part of a loving, mutually healing relationship would be showing my vulnerable, raw spots to a person, even though I'd been hurt so many times before. This has not been the hardest part. The actual hardest part has been realizing that no one, no matter how compassionate and kind they are, will say the perfect things always. Myself included. The hardest part has been learning to communicate what I need, to hear what others need, to tell others how to tell me what they need. Intimacy takes communication. A lot of it. We all have triggers. I don't know your triggers, and you don't know mine. No matter how much I love or trust you, you cannot possibly know exactly the words I need to hear, the words I don't want to hear, and the way I like to be touched. And how strange that we expect these things of each other. How strange (and self-sabotaging) that we refuse to get into relationships and friendships with people unless they treat us in just that perfect way. We've been raised to want fairy tales. We've been raised to wait for flawless saviors to rescue us. But the savior isn't flawless and the savior is not coming. The savior is you. The savior is still learning. The savior is never done learning. The savior is a human being. Forget perfect. Forget flawless. And start speaking your truth. Start speaking what you want and how you want it. And start asking and listening, really listening, to what the people around you say. Maybe, then, we will stop abandoning and hurting each other. Maybe, then, there's hope for us.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Vironika Tugaleva" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-understand-me-better-than-i/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Abandonment" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-understand-me-better-than-i/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87e/vironika-tugaleva-2648_abandonment_i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-unde_1773815.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87e/vironika-tugaleva-2648_abandonment_i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-unde_1773815.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87e/vironika-tugaleva-2648_abandonment_i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-unde_1773815.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wanted, for so long, for someone to understand me better than I understood myself, to take control of me…” — Vironika Tugaleva", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Vironika Tugaleva", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“I wanted, for so long, for...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-understand-me-better-than-i/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/i-wanted-for-so-long-for-someone-to-understand-me-better-than-i/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```