--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I knew by the way he looked at her that…" description: "\"I knew by the way he looked at her that he held her in a higher regard than he held even himself. No selfishness or insecurity kept him from seeing the..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/veronica-roth-66_abnegation_i-knew-by-the-way-he-looked-at-her-that_588743.jpg" --- # I knew by the way he looked at her that he held her in a… ![“I knew by the way he looked at her that he held her in a higher regard than he held even himself. No selfishness or insecurity kept him from seeing the full extent of her goodeness, as it so often does with the rest of us. That kind of love may only be possible in Abnegation. I do not know. My…” quote by Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/veronica-roth-66_abnegation_i-knew-by-the-way-he-looked-at-her-that_588743.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/veronica-roth-66_abnegation_i-knew-by-the-way-he-looked-at-her-that_588743.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/veronica-roth-66_abnegation_i-knew-by-the-way-he-looked-at-her-that_588743.jpg) > “I knew by the way he looked at her that he held her in a higher regard than he held even himself. No selfishness or insecurity kept him from seeing the full extent of her goodeness, as it so often does with the rest of us. That kind of love may only be possible in Abnegation. I do not know. My father: Erudite-born, Abnegation-grown. He often found it difficult to live up to the demands of his chosen faction, just as I did. But he tried, and he knew true selflessness when he saw it.” [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. A man’s deep respect for a woman surpasses his self‑esteem, showing love that feels selfless and rare, especially within a community that values self‑denial. **In simple terms:** He respects her more than himself, showing selfless love. Key Takeaway Recognize and value selfless love when you see it. Themes selflessness respect love faction identity growth Mood reflective empathetic Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - romantic relationships - family dynamics - leadership decisions - community expectations Key Concepts altruism self‑esteem hierarchy social expectation personal sacrifice Questions to Reflect On - How do you balance self‑respect with selfless love? - When does self‑denial become harmful? A Different Perspective Selflessness can be hard to sustain and may lead to personal neglect. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Demand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/demand/) [Erudite](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/erudite/) [Father](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/father/) [Insecurity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/insecurity/) [Kinds of love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kinds-of-love/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Selfishness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/selfishness/) [Selflessness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/selflessness/) ## Related quotes > [“I knew by the way he looked at her that he held her in a higher regard than he held even himself.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-knew-by-the-way-he-looked-at-her-that-he-held-her-in-a-higher-2/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“A of my parents floats into my head the moment I close my eyes. Once when I was about 11 I stopped at the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/a-of-my-parents-floats-into-my-head-the-moment-i-close-my-eyes-once/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [No selfishness or insecurity kept him from seeing the full extent of her goodness, as it so often does with the rest of us.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/no-selfishness-or-insecurity-kept-him-from-seeing-the-full-extent-of-2/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“The true condition of a people may be known by the regard held for woman. The beauty of their women was extolled in song.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-p-john-patterson-maclean/the-true-condition-of-a-people-may-be-known-by-the-regard-held-for/) [J. P. (John Patterson) MacLean](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-p-john-patterson-maclean/) > [“I felt a warm hand on the skin of my lower back.” I twisted my neck, looked up and there he was. I held…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-ashley/i-felt-a-warm-hand-on-the-skin-of-my-lower-back-i-twisted-my-neck/) [Kristen Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-ashley/) > [“Dauntless is the cruelest of the five They tear each other to pieces . . . . Erudite is the coldest of the five…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/dauntless-is-the-cruelest-of-the-five-they-tear-each-other-to-pieces/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [And he’s right to say that every faction loses something when it gains a virtue: the Dauntless, brave but cruel; the Erudite, intelligent but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/and-he-s-right-to-say-that-every-faction-loses-something-when-it/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [I also wanted to ask you if we can talk to the Erudite you're keeping safe here," I say. "I know they're hidden, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-also-wanted-to-ask-you-if-we-can-talk-to-the-erudite-you-re-keeping/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“I don't know, I guess I agree with them. That if everyone would just keep learning about the world around them, they would have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-don-t-know-i-guess-i-agree-with-them-that-if-everyone-would-just/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“The ability to think isn't exclusive to erudite”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/the-ability-to-think-isn-t-exclusive-to-erudite/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [But now I’m wondering if I need it anymore, if we ever really need these words, “Dauntless,” “Erudite,” “Divergent,” “Allegiant,” or if we can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/but-now-i-m-wondering-if-i-need-it-anymore-if-we-ever-really-need/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [Grabbing hold of facts in the midst of shock is very Erudite of him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/grabbing-hold-of-facts-in-the-midst-of-shock-is-very-erudite-of-him/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [I also don't believe that whatever come after life depends on my correctly reciting a list of my transgressions-that sounds too much like an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-also-don-t-believe-that-whatever-come-after-life-depends-on-my/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [Arrogance is one of the flaws in the Erudite heart -- I know. It is often in mine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/arrogance-is-one-of-the-flaws-in-the-erudite-heart-i-know-it-is-often/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [I have a message for the Divergent" I am Divergent. "This is not a negotiation" No, it is not. "It is a warning" I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-have-a-message-for-the-divergent-i-am-divergent-this-is-not-a/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) ## More by Veronica Roth > [How strange that something so simple could have been instrumental in my decision to ruin one of my most relationships and friendships, and damage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/how-strange-that-something-so-simple-could-have-been-instrumental-in/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“I was beginning to feel that I had finally found a place to stay, a place that was not so unstable or corrupt or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-was-beginning-to-feel-that-i-had-finally-found-a-place-to-stay-a/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“He acts so tough that he’s probably afraid of marshmallows and really bright sunrises or something. Overcompensating.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/he-acts-so-tough-that-he-s-probably-afraid-of-marshmallows-and-really/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [And is it selfish of me to crave victory, or is it brave?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/and-is-it-selfish-of-me-to-crave-victory-or-is-it-brave/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [You always look like someone's sucked the life right out of you when something fascinates you. -Tris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/you-always-look-like-someone-s-sucked-the-life-right-out-of-you-when/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“We can be mended. We mend each other.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/we-can-be-mended-we-mend-each-other/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [Don’t worry about me handling the pain," I say. "I’ve had a lot of practice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/don-t-worry-about-me-handling-the-pain-i-say-i-ve-had-a-lot-of/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [Soon I will honor my parents by dying as they died. and if all they believed about death was true, soon I will join…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/soon-i-will-honor-my-parents-by-dying-as-they-died-and-if-all-they/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“Mas lembre-se, já agora, que por vezes as pessoas que oprimimos tornam-se mais poderosas do que nós gostaríamos.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/mas-lembre-se-j-agora-que-por-vezes-as-pessoas-que-oprimimos-tornam/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“am aware of how little space there is between us—six inches at most. That space feels charged with electricity. I feel like it should…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/am-aware-of-how-little-space-there-is-between-us-six-inches-at-most/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“Oh, good,” I say, a sour taste in my mouth. “Heroism is what I was focused on. Not, you know, trying not to die.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/oh-good-i-say-a-sour-taste-in-my-mouth-heroism-is-what-i-was-focused/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“Caleb frowns at him. "How old are you, anyway?" "Eighteen." "And you don't think you're too old to be with my little sister?" Tobias…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/caleb-frowns-at-him-how-old-are-you-anyway-eighteen-and-you-don-t/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [What do you think they're going to do to us when they find us guilty?" she says after a few minutes of silence have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/what-do-you-think-they-re-going-to-do-to-us-when-they-find-us-guilty/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“La paz está restringida, eso es libertad”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/la-paz-est-restringida-eso-es-libertad/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [In some parts of the ancient world, the hawk symbolized the sun. Back when I got this, I figured if I always had the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/in-some-parts-of-the-ancient-world-the-hawk-symbolized-the-sun-back/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) [Explore all 1,589 Veronica Roth quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) ## More Abnegation quotes > [And he’s right to say that every faction loses something when it gains a virtue: the Dauntless, brave but cruel; the Erudite, intelligent but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/and-he-s-right-to-say-that-every-faction-loses-something-when-it/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [We all have to lead our own life, and we only have the one life, and the only people who can live life not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/javier-mar-as/we-all-have-to-lead-our-own-life-and-we-only-have-the-one-life-and/) [Javier Marías](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/javier-mar-as/) > [There is in even the most selfish passion a large element of self-abnegation. It is startling to realize that what we call extreme self-seeking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-hoffer/there-is-in-even-the-most-selfish-passion-a-large-element-of-self/) [Eric Hoffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-hoffer/) > [All women are brought up from the very earliest years in the belief that their ideal of character is the very opposite to that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-stuart-mill/all-women-are-brought-up-from-the-very-earliest-years-in-the-belief/) [John Stuart Mill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-stuart-mill/) > [“Dear David, I’m sorry, but it’s not going to happen the way we planned it. I can’t do it. I know you’re just going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/dear-david-i-m-sorry-but-it-s-not-going-to-happen-the-way-we-planned/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“I guess I grew suspicious of both. Power and knowledge," I say. "To the Abnegation, power should only be given to people who don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-guess-i-grew-suspicious-of-both-power-and-knowledge-i-say-to-the/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“Your Abnegation is showing,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/your-abnegation-is-showing/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“I also remember that my father was one of the people who voted to get the Dauntless out of the factionless sector of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-also-remember-that-my-father-was-one-of-the-people-who-voted-to-get/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [I will be my undoing If I become my obsession.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/i-will-be-my-undoing-if-i-become-my-obsession/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [She tips her chin up and looks at me with that Abnegation stubbornness I know so well. She may have left them, but they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/she-tips-her-chin-up-and-looks-at-me-with-that-abnegation/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [Power is violence, its promise, its deed. Power cares nothing for reason, nothing for justice, nothing for compassion. It is, in fact, the singular…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-erikson/power-is-violence-its-promise-its-deed-power-cares-nothing-for-reason/) [Steven Erikson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-erikson/) > [Yeah, well," I say, "I left Abnegation because I wasn't selfless enough, no matter how hard I tried to be." "That's not entirely true."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/yeah-well-i-say-i-left-abnegation-because-i-wasn-t-selfless-enough-no/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [“no wonder you left." Yeah," i say, rolling my eyes. " It was just because of the food.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/no-wonder-you-left-yeah-i-say-rolling-my-eyes-it-was-just-because-of/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [Few people who are born into Abnegation choose to leave it. When they do, we remember.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/veronica-roth/few-people-who-are-born-into-abnegation-choose-to-leave-it-when-they/) [Veronica Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/veronica-roth/) > [Nothing is more dissimilar than natural and acquired politeness. The first consists in a willing abnegation of self; the second in a compelled recollection…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lord-chesterfield/nothing-is-more-dissimilar-than-natural-and-acquired-politeness-the/) [Lord Chesterfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lord-chesterfield/) Browse all 82 Abnegation quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I knew by the way he looked at her that he held her in a higher regard than he held even himself. No selfishness or insecurity kept him from seeing the full extent of her goodeness, as it so often does with the rest of us. That kind of love may only be possible in Abnegation. I do not know. My father: Erudite-born, Abnegation-grown. He often found it difficult to live up to the demands of his chosen faction, just as I did. 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