--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The two things I look for in a guy is how…" description: "\"“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire.”\" — The Harvard Lampoon" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/the-harvard-lampoon-22750_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1937820.jpg" --- # The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and… ![“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire.” quote by The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/the-harvard-lampoon-22750_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1937820.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/the-harvard-lampoon-22750_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1937820.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/the-harvard-lampoon-22750_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1937820.jpg) > ““The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire.”” [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. It humorously lists superficial criteria—height and vampirism—for evaluating a man, mocking shallow judgments. **In simple terms:** Judging people by absurd traits is ridiculous. Key Takeaway Avoid superficial judgments based on trivial traits. Themes humor social commentary superficiality relationships Mood lighthearted ironic playful Type satirical entertaining When to use this quote - social interactions - media consumption - personal relationships Key Concepts cultural satire identity dating norms Questions to Reflect On - Why do we find absurd criteria funny? - What does this say about societal expectations in dating? A Different Perspective The joke may not translate well outside its original comedic context. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Guy Tall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy-tall-1182857/) [Look Guy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/look-guy-706375/) [Tall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tall/) [Tall Vampire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tall-vampire-3069141/) [Vampire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/vampire/) ## Related quotes > [“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-how-tall-he-is-and-whether-or/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“She hesitaded. "The guy with you...the tall Moroi with dark hair...is that your boyfriend?" "Er,yeah." It took a long time and great effort for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richelle-mead/she-hesitaded-the-guy-with-you-the-tall-moroi-with-dark-hair-is-that/) [Richelle Mead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richelle-mead/) > [If a guy is tall, that's a plus, and he has to have a great personality. He needs to keep up with me because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meagan-tandy/if-a-guy-is-tall-that-s-a-plus-and-he-has-to-have-a-great-personality/) [Meagan Tandy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meagan-tandy/) > [I'm over being single. I will now be accepting applications for a good guy. Must be tall, have a killer personality & not be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-m-over-being-single-i-will-now-be-accepting-applications-for-a-good/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Stephen King is a big Ramones fan... He's a great guy, very tall, very intense-looking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marky-ramone/stephen-king-is-a-big-ramones-fan-he-s-a-great-guy-very-tall-very/) [Marky Ramone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marky-ramone/) > [“Merv was a take-no-shit kind of guy. He was tall, built like a block of concrete, and had three basic settings: angry, brooding, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-resnick/merv-was-a-take-no-shit-kind-of-guy-he-was-tall-built-like-a-block-of/) [Adam Resnick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-resnick/) > [Once your heart has been broken, you look for something in every guy to fix it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jahniah-m/once-your-heart-has-been-broken-you-look-for-something-in-every-guy/) [Jahniah M](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jahniah-m/) > [A girl should look more into a guy's morals and values beside just thinking if he's hott then he has to be a good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/justin-bates/a-girl-should-look-more-into-a-guy-s-morals-and-values-beside-just/) [Justin Bates](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/justin-bates/) > [You can write shorthand and still look at the guy you're talking to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-caine/you-can-write-shorthand-and-still-look-at-the-guy-you-re-talking-to/) [Michael Caine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-caine/) > [How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sam-kinison/how-does-a-guy-look-at-another-guy-s-hairy-ass-and-find-love/) [Sam Kinison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sam-kinison/) > [If I walk into a room, and nobody knows who I am, and they've never seen wrestling a day in their life, I want…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/baron-corbin/if-i-walk-into-a-room-and-nobody-knows-who-i-am-and-they-ve-never/) [Baron Corbin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/baron-corbin/) > [What I look for in a guy is a really good sense of humour, obviously honesty and he had to be into music. Not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mandy-moore/what-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-a-really-good-sense-of-humour-obviously/) [Mandy Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mandy-moore/) > [I'm a guy that people look at me not only as a guy that hit the ball.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-ortiz/i-m-a-guy-that-people-look-at-me-not-only-as-a-guy-that-hit-the-ball/) [David Ortiz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-ortiz/) > [I have about as much control over how I look as the guy who's short and looks more like a character actor - we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/armie-hammer/i-have-about-as-much-control-over-how-i-look-as-the-guy-who-s-short/) [Armie Hammer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/armie-hammer/) > [I have a knack - and still do - where I can look at a guy and tell you if he's going to draw…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-funk/i-have-a-knack-and-still-do-where-i-can-look-at-a-guy-and-tell-you-if/) [Terry Funk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-funk/) ## More by The Harvard Lampoon > [“It suddenly occurred to me that, after all that frolicking in the meadows, he hadn't kissed me. Was it because of the mold that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/it-suddenly-occurred-to-me-that-after-all-that-frolicking-in-the/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“Allow me," said the elf, proffering Gimlet's beard to Frito, who was now sneezing uncontrollably.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/allow-me-said-the-elf-proffering-gimlet-s-beard-to-frito-who-was-now/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“As soon as we were inside, Edwart's family rushed to greet me. What seemed like thirty people circled me, chattering away. "Oh my god,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/as-soon-as-we-were-inside-edwart-s-family-rushed-to-greet-me-what/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“I want to leave all my friends and the sunlight for a small, rainy town.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/i-want-to-leave-all-my-friends-and-the-sunlight-for-a-small-rainy-town/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“So all this time you thought I was a vampire? ' Edwart whispered furiously, pulling me a few inches to the left. 'Sure,' I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/so-all-this-time-you-thought-i-was-a-vampire-edwart-whispered/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“Nice piano," I said. "Do you play?" "oh no, but Edwart does!" Eva Mullen said. "A little," Edwart said sheepishly. "Go ahead, play!" Eva…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/nice-piano-i-said-do-you-play-oh-no-but-edwart-does-eva-mullen-said-a/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“Quick, I told myself. Try to remember what you learned from Jimbo's Self Defence for Young Ladies. Jimbo was a beefy man with prison…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/quick-i-told-myself-try-to-remember-what-you-learned-from-jimbo-s/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“Elf-dog," hissed Gimlet, retrieving his beard. "Pig of a dwarf," suggested Legolam. "Toymaker." "Gold-digger.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/elf-dog-hissed-gimlet-retrieving-his-beard-pig-of-a-dwarf-suggested/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“Listen' he whispered ferociously, like a ferocious breeze or a very gentle hurricane.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/listen-he-whispered-ferociously-like-a-ferocious-breeze-or-a-very/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“I balked. Another vampire? I guess it made sense; the states of the Pacific Northwest were known for their lenient monster laws.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/i-balked-another-vampire-i-guess-it-made-sense-the-states-of-the/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“How about we walk back? Through the cemetery ?' One thing my mom had taught me is that it's difficult to refuse requests made…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/how-about-we-walk-back-through-the-cemetery-one-thing-my-mom-had/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“picked!” I reply. I can’t stand Badge. She’s so stuck-up.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/picked-i-reply-i-can-t-stand-badge-she-s-so-stuck-up/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho's; CEOs and their office ho's; GI Joes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/you-should-have-seen-the-costumes-for-the-last-few-prom-themes-pimps/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“After dinner, Edwart took me upstairs to see his room. At the top of the stairs was a giant wooden cross. "Ironic, huh?" Edwart…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/after-dinner-edwart-took-me-upstairs-to-see-his-room-at-the-top-of/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“All of a sudden, he began to laugh. Had I said something funny? Had he? How long had I been spacing out for, slowly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/all-of-a-sudden-he-began-to-laugh-had-i-said-something-funny-had-he/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) [Explore all 27 The Harvard Lampoon quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) ## More Tall quotes > [Each of us is precious to God because each of us has their name written on the palms of God's hands. And God says…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/desmond-tutu/each-of-us-is-precious-to-god-because-each-of-us-has-their-name/) [Desmond Tutu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/desmond-tutu/) > [Goofy was the word that was used most often by my sisters because I've been this tall ever since I was 12 years old.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/will-smith/goofy-was-the-word-that-was-used-most-often-by-my-sisters-because-i/) [Will Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/will-smith/) > [“You're tall enough when you can reach the lightswitch.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cynthia-copeland-lewis/you-re-tall-enough-when-you-can-reach-the-lightswitch/) [Cynthia Copeland Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cynthia-copeland-lewis/) > [It's exciting for me that when they think of tall players they think of big serve and forehand but they don't move that well.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-draper/it-s-exciting-for-me-that-when-they-think-of-tall-players-they-think/) [Jack Draper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-draper/) > [A tall, thin old man waving a scorecard from the corner of his dugout. That's baseball.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ernie-harwell/a-tall-thin-old-man-waving-a-scorecard-from-the-corner-of-his-dugout/) [Ernie Harwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ernie-harwell/) > [I'm 5 feet tall, and that's on a good day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/isabela-moner/i-m-5-feet-tall-and-that-s-on-a-good-day/) [Isabela Moner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/isabela-moner/) > [I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/i-wanted-to-have-a-career-in-sports-when-i-was-young-but-i-had-to/) [Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/) > [ People say, "Look, your book \[Tales and Wisdom from Duck Dynasty's Favorite Uncle\] is about tall tales." And I said, "No, you don't understand,… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/si-robertson/people-say-look-your-book-tales-and-wisdom-from-duck-dynasty-s/) [Si Robertson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/si-robertson/) > [ It's hard for me to be serious. I can't really rub oil on me and go all the way with it \[laughs\]. I hear… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janelle-monae/it-s-hard-for-me-to-be-serious-i-can-t-really-rub-oil-on-me-and-go/) [Janelle Monae](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janelle-monae/) > [I love that people are going, Yeah, I love a hundred different kinds of beauty; it's not all the tall, skinny supermodel. Around the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/reese-witherspoon/i-love-that-people-are-going-yeah-i-love-a-hundred-different-kinds-of/) [Reese Witherspoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/reese-witherspoon/) > [Much can they praise the trees so straight and high, The sailing pine,the cedar proud and tall, The vine-prop elm, the poplar never dry,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edmund-spenser/much-can-they-praise-the-trees-so-straight-and-high-the-sailing-pine/) [Edmund Spenser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edmund-spenser/) > [For a tree to become tall it must grow tough roots among the rocks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/friedrich-nietzsche/for-a-tree-to-become-tall-it-must-grow-tough-roots-among-the-rocks/) [Friedrich Nietzsche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/friedrich-nietzsche/) > [He's got everything. He' not a great player yet because he hasn't won any major championships, but it's a matter of time. He's an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-price/he-s-got-everything-he-not-a-great-player-yet-because-he-hasn-t-won/) [Nick Price](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-price/) > [I didn't realize I was that short!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lou-williams/i-didn-t-realize-i-was-that-short/) [Lou Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lou-williams/) > [“You must be this tall," I said, leveling my hand well above his stocky height, "to ride this ride." I blew him a kiss…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amanda-bonilla/you-must-be-this-tall-i-said-leveling-my-hand-well-above-his-stocky/) [Amanda Bonilla](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amanda-bonilla/) [Browse all 1,504 Tall quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tall/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "The Harvard Lampoon" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-how-tall-he-is-and-whether-or-2/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Tall" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-how-tall-he-is-and-whether-or-2/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/the-harvard-lampoon-22750_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1937820.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/the-harvard-lampoon-22750_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1937820.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/the-harvard-lampoon-22750_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1937820.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire.” — The Harvard Lampoon", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "The Harvard Lampoon", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“The two things I look for...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-how-tall-he-is-and-whether-or-2/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-how-tall-he-is-and-whether-or-2/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```