---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants…"
description: "\"“Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here.” “Do? We are the premier college of magic!” said Ridcully. “But do we teach?” “Only..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbc/terry-pratchett-19_academia_firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to_1680643.jpg"
---

#  Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants to know what we…

![“Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here.” “Do? We are the premier college of magic!” said Ridcully. “But do we teach?” “Only if no alternative presents itself,” said the Dean. “We show ‘em where the library is, give ‘em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If…” quote by Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbc/terry-pratchett-19_academia_firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to_1680643.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbc/terry-pratchett-19_academia_firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to_1680643.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbc/terry-pratchett-19_academia_firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to_1680643.jpg)

> ““Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here.” “Do? We are the premier college of magic!” said Ridcully. “But do we teach?” “Only if no alternative presents itself,” said the Dean. “We show ‘em where the library is, give ‘em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open.” “Metaphorically, sir?” said Ponder. “Yes. But technically, of course, it’s locked.” “Explain to him that we don’t do things, Stibbons,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. “We are academics.””

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

The dialogue satirizes academic bureaucracy, showing that a magical college offers minimal guidance, keeping doors metaphorically open but practically locked.

**In simple terms:** Academia can be vague and unhelpful.

Key Takeaway

Seek clear guidance, don’t rely on vague promises.

Themes

academia bureaucracy magic humor

Mood

witty critical

Type

satirical humorous

When to use this quote

- university life
- career advice
- creative projects

Key Concepts

satire institutional critique education

Questions to Reflect On

- What doors are metaphorically open but actually locked?
- How can institutions become more transparent?

A Different Perspective

The metaphor may hide real barriers.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Academia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/academia/) [College Magic](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/college-magic-953987/) [Discworld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/discworld/) [Ponder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ponder/) [Ponder Mr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ponder-mr-953990/) [Said Lecturer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/said-lecturer-953988/) [Said Ponder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/said-ponder-953989/) [University](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/university/) [Wizards](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wizards/)

## Related quotes

> [“Oh, no," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes, pushing his chair back. "Not that. That's meddling with things you don't understand." "Well, we are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/oh-no-said-the-lecturer-in-recent-runes-pushing-his-chair-back-not/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“Ponder and his fellow students watched Hex carefully. 'It can't just, you know, stop,' said Adrian 'Mad Drongo' Tumipseed. 'The ants are just standing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/ponder-and-his-fellow-students-watched-hex-carefully-it-can-t-just/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“They put it like that?' said Glenda, wide-eyed. 'Oh, you know the sort of thing if you read the papers a lot,' said Ponder.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/they-put-it-like-that-said-glenda-wide-eyed-oh-you-know-the-sort-of/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [In 1971, after seven years in college, with that magic piece of paper clutched triumphantly in my fist, the best job I was able…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/spider-robinson/in-1971-after-seven-years-in-college-with-that-magic-piece-of-paper/)

[Spider Robinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/spider-robinson/)

> [College is a magic time. Yes, youre young and fickle, but you want to be part of this college experience... Then you graduate from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sze/college-is-a-magic-time-yes-youre-young-and-fickle-but-you-want-to-be/)

[David Sze](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sze/)

> [Ponder just let it happen. It's because their minds are so often involved with deep and problematic matters, he told himself, that their mouths…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/ponder-just-let-it-happen-it-s-because-their-minds-are-so-often/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“And that had led to all the trouble with How to Dynamically Manage People for Dynamic Results in a Caring Empowering Way in Quite…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/and-that-had-led-to-all-the-trouble-with-how-to-dynamically-manage/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“Don't wish , Miss Tick had said. Do things.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/don-t-wish-miss-tick-had-said-do-things/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/a-good-bookshop-is-just-a-genteel-black-hole-that-knows-how-to-read/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“Her books on alchemy were marvellous objects, every page a work of the engraver's art, but they nowhere contained instructions like "Be sure to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/her-books-on-alchemy-were-marvellous-objects-every-page-a-work-of-the/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“It was the way he wore the place. You expected him any moment to break into the kind of song that has suspicious rhymes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/it-was-the-way-he-wore-the-place-you-expected-him-any-moment-to-break/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [Nature abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the Marie Celeste, and the chuck keys for electric drills.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/nature-abhors-a-lot-of-things-including-vacuums-ships-called-the/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“Sacharissa saw a movement. Boddony had pulled his axe out from under the bench. It was a traditional dwarf axe. One side was a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/sacharissa-saw-a-movement-boddony-had-pulled-his-axe-out-from-under/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“There was a steady drizzle when they left for the tower. Moist drove the cart, with the others sitting on the load behind him…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/there-was-a-steady-drizzle-when-they-left-for-the-tower-moist-drove/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“Someone broke from the scrum and, punching and kicking, staggered towards the Klatchian goal. "Isn't that man your butler?" said Ahmed. "Yes." "One of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/someone-broke-from-the-scrum-and-punching-and-kicking-staggered/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

## More by Terry Pratchett

> [“This one’s mental.’ ‘Eccentric.’ ‘What’s the difference?’ ‘A bag of cash.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/this-one-s-mental-eccentric-what-s-the-difference-a-bag-of-cash/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“But I did not return until half past four this morning and I distinctly remember stubbing my toe on the stairs. I am as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/but-i-did-not-return-until-half-past-four-this-morning-and-i/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/the-universe-contains-any-amount-of-horrible-ways-to-be-woken-up-such/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“Someone broke from the scrum and, punching and kicking, staggered towards the Klatchian goal. "Isn't that man your butler?" said Ahmed. "Yes." "One of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/someone-broke-from-the-scrum-and-punching-and-kicking-staggered/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [It's an interesting fact that fewer than 17 % of Real cats end their lives with the same name they started with. Much family…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/it-s-an-interesting-fact-that-fewer-than-17-of-real-cats-end-their/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [You can't trust folk songs. They always sneak up on you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/you-can-t-trust-folk-songs-they-always-sneak-up-on-you/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [Either dragons should exist completely or fail to exist at all, he felt. A dragon only half-existing was worse than the extremes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/either-dragons-should-exist-completely-or-fail-to-exist-at-all-he/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“Magrat wondered what it was like, spending your whole life doing something you didn’t want to do. Like being dead, she considered, only worse,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/magrat-wondered-what-it-was-like-spending-your-whole-life-doing/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [A hardback's harder at Christmas time because that's a good hardback buying time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/a-hardback-s-harder-at-christmas-time-because-that-s-a-good-hardback/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“There were more old people. The world was full of them,' said the wizard. 'Yes, I know. And now it's full of young people.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/there-were-more-old-people-the-world-was-full-of-them-said-the-wizard/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“Hobson was big and heavyset, but not exactly fat; he was probably what you’d get if you shaved a bear.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/hobson-was-big-and-heavyset-but-not-exactly-fat-he-was-probably-what/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“There is a night that never comes to an end… The clock of the world turns under its own shadow. Midnight is a moving…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/there-is-a-night-that-never-comes-to-an-end-the-clock-of-the-world/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“You'd like Freedom, Truth, and Justice, wouldn't you, Comrade Sergeant?' said Reg encouragingly. 'I'd like a hard-boiled egg,' said Vimes, shaking the match out.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/you-d-like-freedom-truth-and-justice-wouldn-t-you-comrade-sergeant/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [“You are not apprehensive, are you? I can't detect no trace of fear none whatsoever Roomy cranium all possible videos of all possible outcomes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/you-are-not-apprehensive-are-you-i-can-t-detect-no-trace-of-fear-none/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

> [Imagination, not intelligence, made us human.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/imagination-not-intelligence-made-us-human/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

[Explore all 3,328 Terry Pratchett quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

## More Academia quotes

> [“Word spread quickly: The visitor wished to address the scholars. 'What can he want?' they wondered, streaming into the Royal Theater. Attendance was voluntary,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laini-taylor/word-spread-quickly-the-visitor-wished-to-address-the-scholars-what/)

[Laini Taylor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laini-taylor/)

> [Society understands the architecture of academia and knows there are relevant qualifications in different fields, and the media accepts the idea of specialisations and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-griffiths/society-understands-the-architecture-of-academia-and-knows-there-are/)

[Jay Griffiths](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-griffiths/)

> [One of the things that's great about New York is that it is not a one-industry town. It has education, academia, the service industry,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-jessica-parker/one-of-the-things-that-s-great-about-new-york-is-that-it-is-not-a-one/)

[Sarah Jessica Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-jessica-parker/)

> [ “See that the mind is honest, first; the rest may follow or not as God wills. \[That\] the fundamental treason to the mind ...… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-l-sayers/see-that-the-mind-is-honest-first-the-rest-may-follow-or-not-as-god/)

[Dorothy L. Sayers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-l-sayers/)

> [The approach of intellect or noesis will forever be an effete and limited sort of thing by contrast with the vigor and color of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenny-smith/the-approach-of-intellect-or-noesis-will-forever-be-an-effete-and/)

[Kenny Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenny-smith/)

> [One can hardly appreciate how academia has perverted its highest tasks and "ideals" without pondering long and hard the implications of Jacques Barzun's House…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenny-smith/one-can-hardly-appreciate-how-academia-has-perverted-its-highest/)

[Kenny Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenny-smith/)

> [Practically everybody (1) overweighs the stuff that can be numbered, because it yields to the statistical techniques they’re taught in academia, and (2) doesn’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlie-munger/practically-everybody-1-overweighs-the-stuff-that-can-be-numbered/)

[Charlie Munger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlie-munger/)

> [The number one problem in academia today is not ignorant students but ignorant professors, who have substituted narrow "expertise" and "theoretical sophistication" (a preposterous…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/camille-paglia/the-number-one-problem-in-academia-today-is-not-ignorant-students-but/)

[Camille Paglia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/camille-paglia/)

> [Almost all scholarly research carries practical and political implications. Better that we should spell these out ourselves than leave that task to people with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephanie-coontz/almost-all-scholarly-research-carries-practical-and-political/)

[Stephanie Coontz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephanie-coontz/)

> [There is this tremendous body of knowledge in the world of academia where extraordinary numbers of incredibly thoughtful people have taken the time to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/malcolm-gladwell/there-is-this-tremendous-body-of-knowledge-in-the-world-of-academia/)

[Malcolm Gladwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/malcolm-gladwell/)

> [What do you call a co-worker these days? Neither teammate nor confederate will do, and partner is too legalistic. The answer brought from academia…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-safire/what-do-you-call-a-co-worker-these-days-neither-teammate-nor/)

[William Safire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-safire/)

> [“Chivalry in academia is dead.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sylvain-reynard/chivalry-in-academia-is-dead/)

[Sylvain Reynard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sylvain-reynard/)

> [“The tunnel under the wall of intellectual snobbery is the only way back to common sense reality, but most won't find it because it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/d-e-navarro/the-tunnel-under-the-wall-of-intellectual-snobbery-is-the-only-way/)

[D.E. Navarro](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/d-e-navarro/)

> [Even if 80 percent of the population of a country are Christian believers, they will have almost no cultural influence if the Christians do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/timothy-keller/even-if-80-percent-of-the-population-of-a-country-are-christian/)

[Timothy Keller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/timothy-keller/)

> [“(If you'd like to see it, I've been keeping a log of department meetings ranked according to level of trauma, with a 1 indicating…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-schumacher-dear-committee-members/if-you-d-like-to-see-it-i-ve-been-keeping-a-log-of-department/)

[Julie Schumacher Dear Committee Members](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-schumacher-dear-committee-members/)

[Browse all 233 Academia quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/academia/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "“Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here.” “Do? We are the premier college of magic!” said Ridcully. “But do we teach?” “Only if no alternative presents itself,” said the Dean. “We show ‘em where the library is, give ‘em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open.” “Metaphorically, sir?” said Ponder. “Yes. But technically, of course, it’s locked.” “Explain to him that we don’t do things, Stibbons,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. “We are academics.”",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "Terry Pratchett"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to-know-what-we-do-here-do-we/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Academia"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to-know-what-we-do-here-do-we/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbc/terry-pratchett-19_academia_firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to_1680643.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbc/terry-pratchett-19_academia_firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to_1680643.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbc/terry-pratchett-19_academia_firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to_1680643.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here.” “Do? We are the premier college of…” — Terry Pratchett",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Terry Pratchett",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "“Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to-know-what-we-do-here-do-we/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/firstly-said-ponder-mr-pessimal-wants-to-know-what-we-do-here-do-we/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
