--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I hate the way, once you start to know…" description: "\"I hate the way, once you start to know someone, care about them, their behavior can distress you, even when it's unreasonable and not your fault, even ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b77/tanith-lee-3374_be-careful_i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-so_1195770.jpg" --- # I hate the way, once you start to know someone, care about… ![“I hate the way, once you start to know someone, care about them, their behavior can distress you, even when it's unreasonable and not your fault, even if you were really trying to be careful, tactful.” quote by Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b77/tanith-lee-3374_be-careful_i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-so_1195770.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b77/tanith-lee-3374_be-careful_i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-so_1195770.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b77/tanith-lee-3374_be-careful_i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-so_1195770.jpg) > “I hate the way, once you start to know someone, care about them, their behavior can distress you, even when it's unreasonable and not your fault, even if you were really trying to be careful, tactful.” [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Knowing someone deeply can cause distress when their unreasonable behavior hurts you, despite your careful intentions. **In simple terms:** Deep knowledge can bring pain from others' flaws. Key Takeaway Accept imperfections while protecting yourself. Themes relationships empathy boundaries distress humanity Mood empathetic somber Type reflective advice When to use this quote - friendships - family ties - workplace collaborations - intimate partnerships Key Concepts psychological insight emotional intelligence interpersonal dynamics Questions to Reflect On - How to maintain empathy without personal harm? - What boundaries help when caring for flawed others? A Different Perspective Distress may stem from unrealistic expectations. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Be careful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/be-careful/) [Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) [Behavior Distress](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior-distress-3565099/) [Care](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/care/) [Careful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/careful/) [Careful Tactful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/careful-tactful-3565098/) [Distress](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/distress/) [Faults](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/faults/) [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [Hate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hate/) [Hate Way](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hate-way/) [I hate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/i-hate/) [Tact](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tact/) [Tactful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tactful-658697/) [Trying](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/trying/) [Unreasonable](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/unreasonable/) [Way](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/way/) ## Related quotes > [Everybody admires a go-getter if he is tactful.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/earl-tupper/everybody-admires-a-go-getter-if-he-is-tactful/) [Earl Tupper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/earl-tupper/) > [Some people mistake weakness for tact. If they are silent when they ought to speak and so feign an agreement they do not feel,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-medlicott/some-people-mistake-weakness-for-tact-if-they-are-silent-when-they/) [Frank Medlicott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-medlicott/) > [You are so tactful that I have no idea what you want.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mason-cooley/you-are-so-tactful-that-i-have-no-idea-what-you-want/) [Mason Cooley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mason-cooley/) > [“I found myself wishing that Jeeves wasn't always so dashed tactful. I mean, it's all very well to remove yourself like an eel sliding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-g-wodehouse-2/i-found-myself-wishing-that-jeeves-wasn-t-always-so-dashed-tactful-i/) [P. G. Wodehouse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-g-wodehouse-2/) > [Be sure, when you think you are being extremely tactful, that you are not in reality running away from something you ought to face.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-medlicott/be-sure-when-you-think-you-are-being-extremely-tactful-that-you-are/) [Frank Medlicott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-medlicott/) > [The worst of having so much tact was that you never quite knew whether other people were acting naturally or being tactful too. \[The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/w-somerset-maugham/the-worst-of-having-so-much-tact-was-that-you-never-quite-knew/) [W. Somerset Maugham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/w-somerset-maugham/) > [“you were. OK, I’ll admit, I had a hard time not laughing. But it isn’t actually a bad idea, once we water it down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rosalind-james/you-were-ok-i-ll-admit-i-had-a-hard-time-not-laughing-but-it-isn-t/) [Rosalind James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rosalind-james/) > [I'm honest. I say what I feel. I try to be tactful, but I can't not say what I feel. I have a really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherilyn-fenn/i-m-honest-i-say-what-i-feel-i-try-to-be-tactful-but-i-can-t-not-say/) [Sherilyn Fenn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherilyn-fenn/) > [I'm quite tactful, actually. I worry about whether people are all right. With my friends, obviously, conversations are quite free and uncensored, but I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julia-davis/i-m-quite-tactful-actually-i-worry-about-whether-people-are-all-right/) [Julia Davis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julia-davis/) > [“thinking to be tactful and adroit, the woman stood”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yasunari-kawabata/thinking-to-be-tactful-and-adroit-the-woman-stood/) [Yasunari Kawabata](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yasunari-kawabata/) > [Sometimes I can be tactful and sometimes not. It all depends on the mood I'm in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melanie-brown/sometimes-i-can-be-tactful-and-sometimes-not-it-all-depends-on-the/) [Melanie Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melanie-brown/) > [“This is supposed to be a touch-feely conversation where we tell you, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll always have a family here with us.’ And then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debra-anastasia/this-is-supposed-to-be-a-touch-feely-conversation-where-we-tell-you/) [Debra Anastasia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debra-anastasia/) > [Growing up, I didn't feel tactful or classy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chappell-roan/growing-up-i-didn-t-feel-tactful-or-classy/) [Chappell Roan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chappell-roan/) > [Whenever your well-being feels at risk around certain people, make a tactful and swift exit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-orloff/whenever-your-well-being-feels-at-risk-around-certain-people-make-a/) [Judith Orloff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-orloff/) > [Talk about tactful - she's got a tongue like a Kalashnikov!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-fowler/talk-about-tactful-she-s-got-a-tongue-like-a-kalashnikov/) [Steve Fowler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-fowler/) ## More by Tanith Lee > [No one more cynical than an idealist.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/no-one-more-cynical-than-an-idealist/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [The humble were the elect of God. Did not the priests teach so, in their gemmed, kingly robes, from their towering pulpits?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/the-humble-were-the-elect-of-god-did-not-the-priests-teach-so-in/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [“Having told of so much beauty, how is it possible to tell of her? There are no words left on the earth in any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/having-told-of-so-much-beauty-how-is-it-possible-to-tell-of-her-there/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [As a child, my mother told me lots of fairy stories, many her own invention. She, too, tended to reverse the norm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/as-a-child-my-mother-told-me-lots-of-fairy-stories-many-her-own/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [“Often misunderstood, Dionysus is far more than a wine deity. He is the Breaker of Chains, who rescues not only the flesh but the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/often-misunderstood-dionysus-is-far-more-than-a-wine-deity-he-is-the/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [In the usual way I submitted manuscripts to publishers. This was not so much a feeling that I should be published as a wish…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/in-the-usual-way-i-submitted-manuscripts-to-publishers-this-was-not/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [Whatever the hell I am, I am Me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/whatever-the-hell-i-am-i-am-me/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [If they had said my writing wasn't good enough, fair enough, that's an opinion. But to say it's too complex is to insult the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/if-they-had-said-my-writing-wasn-t-good-enough-fair-enough-that-s-an/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [“Louisa beheld the grounds and house with the calm pleasure of one who has seen nothing, been nowhere, expects everything, and has little imagination.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/louisa-beheld-the-grounds-and-house-with-the-calm-pleasure-of-one-who/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [“Live and let love. Love and let go. Go live.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/live-and-let-love-love-and-let-go-go-live/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [Pirates have always fascinated me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/pirates-have-always-fascinated-me/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [“All the Scarabae—all but one—were crowded in the garden. They watched her. Their grim old faces gave away nothing. Like elderly kiddies at a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/all-the-scarabae-all-but-one-were-crowded-in-the-garden-they-watched/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [“She did this not out of fear of him, but out of pity. Because she had come to see the ultimate terrible truth behind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/she-did-this-not-out-of-fear-of-him-but-out-of-pity-because-she-had/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [Writing is writing, and stories are stories. Perhaps the only true genres are fiction and nonfiction. And even there, who can be sure?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/writing-is-writing-and-stories-are-stories-perhaps-the-only-true/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) > [“Tanaquil gently toed the peeve. "I'll unfasten the window. Jump out to the lower roof and run." "Stay and bite," said the peeve.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/tanaquil-gently-toed-the-peeve-i-ll-unfasten-the-window-jump-out-to/) [Tanith Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) [Explore all 131 Tanith Lee quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/) ## More Be careful quotes > [Be careful. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to the worst Spanish student in the history of the language.” I laughed. “No problemo.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kiersten-white/be-careful-i-wouldn-t-want-anything-to-happen-to-the-worst-spanish/) [Kiersten White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kiersten-white/) > [If I held all the thoughts of the world in my hand, I would be careful not to open it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bernard-le-bovier-de-fontenelle/if-i-held-all-the-thoughts-of-the-world-in-my-hand-i-would-be-careful/) [Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bernard-le-bovier-de-fontenelle/) > [You've got to be careful against classy fighters, especially counter-punchers because if you go for the finish too early, you can end up getting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-froch/you-ve-got-to-be-careful-against-classy-fighters-especially-counter/) [Carl Froch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-froch/) > [ \[A\]s you partake of the world's bill of fare, that's darned good advice to follow. Do a lot of spitting out the hot air.… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dr-seuss/a-s-you-partake-of-the-world-s-bill-of-fare-that-s-darned-good-advice/) [Dr. Seuss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dr-seuss/) > [We must remember that intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character--that is the goal of true education. The complete education gives one not only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-luther-king-jr/we-must-remember-that-intelligence-is-not-enough-intelligence-plus/) [Martin Luther King, Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-luther-king-jr/) > [I have to be careful to get out before I become the grotesque caricature of a hatchet-faced woman with big knockers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jamie-lee-curtis/i-have-to-be-careful-to-get-out-before-i-become-the-grotesque/) [Jamie Lee Curtis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jamie-lee-curtis/) > [Our communications reflect in our countenance. Therefore, we must be careful not only what we communicate, but also how we do so. Souls can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/l-lionel-kendrick/our-communications-reflect-in-our-countenance-therefore-we-must-be/) [L. Lionel Kendrick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/l-lionel-kendrick/) > [Well sometimes, culture can stifle talent, so you have to be careful.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/monty-williams/well-sometimes-culture-can-stifle-talent-so-you-have-to-be-careful/) [Monty Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/monty-williams/) > [And so we have to be careful with looking at additional stimulus that we don't provoke an increase in the bond rate and then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/franklin-raines/and-so-we-have-to-be-careful-with-looking-at-additional-stimulus-that/) [Franklin Raines](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/franklin-raines/) > [Be careful who you might trust the Devil was once an angel too.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/be-careful-who-you-might-trust-the-devil-was-once-an-angel-too/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [One must always be careful of books," said Tessa, "and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/one-must-always-be-careful-of-books-said-tessa-and-what-is-inside/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [He who believes in God is not careful for the morrow, but labors joyfully and with a great heart. "For He giveth His beloved,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-luther/he-who-believes-in-god-is-not-careful-for-the-morrow-but-labors/) [Martin Luther](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-luther/) > [Be careful, once water is spilled, it can never return to its container](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ciel-phantomhive/be-careful-once-water-is-spilled-it-can-never-return-to-its-container/) [Ciel Phantomhive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ciel-phantomhive/) > [We used to tell our receivers, 'If you want to run an inside breaking route, and you want to fight for yardage after the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-gruden/we-used-to-tell-our-receivers-if-you-want-to-run-an-inside-breaking/) [Jon Gruden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-gruden/) > [A bad investment is going for quantity over quality. If you're trying to be careful with your wallet, especially with the economy right now,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christian-siriano/a-bad-investment-is-going-for-quantity-over-quality-if-you-re-trying/) [Christian Siriano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christian-siriano/) [Browse all 989 Be careful quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/be-careful/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I hate the way, once you start to know someone, care about them, their behavior can distress you, even when it's unreasonable and not your fault, even if you were really trying to be careful, tactful.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Tanith Lee" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-someone-care-about-them-their/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Be careful" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-someone-care-about-them-their/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b77/tanith-lee-3374_be-careful_i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-so_1195770.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b77/tanith-lee-3374_be-careful_i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-so_1195770.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b77/tanith-lee-3374_be-careful_i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-so_1195770.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I hate the way, once you start to know someone, care about them, their behavior can distress you, even when…” — Tanith Lee", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Tanith Lee", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanith-lee/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "I hate the way, once you...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-someone-care-about-them-their/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanith-lee/i-hate-the-way-once-you-start-to-know-someone-care-about-them-their/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```