--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The first thing to know is that grief is…" description: "\"“The first thing to know is that grief is not a straight line. It doesn’t happen in “stages,” as is commonly thought; it happens in phases. The first p..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d2/susan-j-elliott-29626_grief_the-first-thing-to-know-is-that-grief-is_2184987.jpg" --- # The first thing to know is that grief is not a straight… ![“The first thing to know is that grief is not a straight line. It doesn’t happen in “stages,” as is commonly thought; it happens in phases. The first phase is shock or disbelief; the middle phase is one of review, relinquishment, and great emotion; and the final phase is reorganization…” quote by Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d2/susan-j-elliott-29626_grief_the-first-thing-to-know-is-that-grief-is_2184987.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d2/susan-j-elliott-29626_grief_the-first-thing-to-know-is-that-grief-is_2184987.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d2/susan-j-elliott-29626_grief_the-first-thing-to-know-is-that-grief-is_2184987.jpg) > ““The first thing to know is that grief is not a straight line. It doesn’t happen in “stages,” as is commonly thought; it happens in phases. The first phase is shock or disbelief; the middle phase is one of review, relinquishment, and great emotion; and the final phase is reorganization, integration, and acceptance.”” [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Grief unfolds in unpredictable phases, not a linear set of stages, moving from shock to acceptance. **In simple terms:** Grief is messy and non‑linear. Key Takeaway Accept the ebb and flow of emotions. Themes grief healing emotional cycles Mood empathetic hopeful Type psychological inspirational When to use this quote - loss of a loved one - divorce - career setback Key Concepts non‑linear process psychological adaptation Questions to Reflect On - What phase are you experiencing now? - How can you support someone in the middle phase? 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When somebody tells you that, a little bell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lee-west/i-was-tired-of-well-meaning-folks-telling-me-it-was-time-i-got-over/) [Michael Lee West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lee-west/) > [“You know nothing about my grief", said Anastasia. " So speak nothing of it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/claire-legrand/you-know-nothing-about-my-grief-said-anastasia-so-speak-nothing-of-it/) [Claire Legrand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/claire-legrand/) > [“What was a siren but a call to your neighbors, a cry that would let them know that grief of one sort or another…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/what-was-a-siren-but-a-call-to-your-neighbors-a-cry-that-would-let/) [Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/) > [I had a sister who died and my mother passed away. I know that grief comes in waves. 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The world of men is not an easy one for them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lloyd-alexander/do-you-not-believe-that-animals-know-grief-and-fear-and-pain-the/) [Lloyd Alexander](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lloyd-alexander/) > [“I know grief, and it is a chasm.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tessa-gratton/i-know-grief-and-it-is-a-chasm/) [Tessa Gratton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tessa-gratton/) > [“Now I know that grief is a whetstone that sharpens all your love, all your happiest memories, into blades that tear you apart from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/claudia-gray/now-i-know-that-grief-is-a-whetstone-that-sharpens-all-your-love-all/) [Claudia Gray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/claudia-gray/) > [“Now I know grief is a whetstone that sharpens all your love, all your happiest memories, into blades that tear you apart from within.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/claudia-gray/now-i-know-grief-is-a-whetstone-that-sharpens-all-your-love-all-your/) [Claudia Gray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/claudia-gray/) > [“How can it be that there is such a colossal gap between what we think we know about grief and mourning and what we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-beaver/how-can-it-be-that-there-is-such-a-colossal-gap-between-what-we-think/) [Jim Beaver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-beaver/) ## More by Susan J. Elliott > [“Goal setting works best when you have long-term goals and short-term goals in different areas of your life. Of course, you’re not going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/goal-setting-works-best-when-you-have-long-term-goals-and-short-term/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“You both have been through a trying time, and you must face that a break will do each of you a world of good.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/you-both-have-been-through-a-trying-time-and-you-must-face-that-a/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“After a breakup, you may also feel physically and mentally incapacitated in some way. You have trouble sleeping, or you sleep too much. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/after-a-breakup-you-may-also-feel-physically-and-mentally/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“My therapist would later explain to me that “water seeks its own level” and that your partner’s flaws and issues usually go hand in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/my-therapist-would-later-explain-to-me-that-water-seeks-its-own-level/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“When you are asking why, when, how questions or trying to figure out how he or she could do what was done or how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/when-you-are-asking-why-when-how-questions-or-trying-to-figure-out/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“Several of my clients, students, and readers have come to realize that they spent all their adult lives in relationships in which they were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/several-of-my-clients-students-and-readers-have-come-to-realize-that/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“The pain of heartache often comes in unpredictable episodes of intense pain that come and go. These episodes are called grief “spasms”—you feel overwhelmed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/the-pain-of-heartache-often-comes-in-unpredictable-episodes-of/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“At first you may feel shock or disbelief that a loss has occurred or an inability to recognize that it was really a loss.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/at-first-you-may-feel-shock-or-disbelief-that-a-loss-has-occurred-or/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“Stop worrying about what is wrong with you. While there might be things about you that need improvement, that doesn’t mean that you are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/stop-worrying-about-what-is-wrong-with-you-while-there-might-be/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“Learning that “water seeks its own level,” I was able to understand what issues needed attention by observing the people I was attracting and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/learning-that-water-seeks-its-own-level-i-was-able-to-understand-what/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“Don’t ask for justifications for present or past behavior, or say how much you’ve been hurt. Yes, there are things you want this person…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/don-t-ask-for-justifications-for-present-or-past-behavior-or-say-how/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“Time does not heal all wounds. If it did, there would be no unresolved grief and no hurt from long ago that still upsets…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/time-does-not-heal-all-wounds-if-it-did-there-would-be-no-unresolved/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“After a breakup, anger is an appropriate reaction. When something has been taken away, people feel angry. While feeling the anger is okay, acting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/after-a-breakup-anger-is-an-appropriate-reaction-when-something-has/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“If you’re the person who is being asked to be friends, say no. If your ex is saying that he or she simply can’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/if-you-re-the-person-who-is-being-asked-to-be-friends-say-no-if-your/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) > [“Relationships weren’t easy for me, and for the first few years my abandonment issues were in full force, but with each one I learned.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-elliott/relationships-weren-t-easy-for-me-and-for-the-first-few-years-my/) [Susan J. Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) [Explore all 18 Susan J. Elliott quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-elliott/) ## More Grief quotes > [“...they had lived, they'd lived intensely. But no matter how deeply you live, it comes to this in the end: one of you will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-morton/they-had-lived-they-d-lived-intensely-but-no-matter-how-deeply-you/) [Brian Morton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-morton/) > [“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cooper/you-must-understand-the-pain-and-grief-of-losing-someone-is-nothing/) [Steven Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cooper/) > [You felt a deep sorrow, the kind of melancholy you feel when you're in a beautiful place and the sun is going down](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thrity-umrigar/you-felt-a-deep-sorrow-the-kind-of-melancholy-you-feel-when-you-re-in/) [Thrity Umrigar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thrity-umrigar/) > [... how much of our inner substance is it good for us to give to public griefs? The whole modern tendency to agonize over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-bogan/how-much-of-our-inner-substance-is-it-good-for-us-to-give-to-public/) [Louise Bogan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-bogan/) > [You dont choose your life; it chooses you. Theres no point asking why life has reserved certain joys or griefs, you just accept them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/you-dont-choose-your-life-it-chooses-you-theres-no-point-asking-why/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [“When we learn to attribute meaning to the events in our lives, we connect with our Higher Purpose, Higher Wisdom, or Source; we become…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-barbara-apollon/when-we-learn-to-attribute-meaning-to-the-events-in-our-lives-we/) [Susan Barbara Apollon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-barbara-apollon/) > [Only to have a grief equal to all these tears!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/only-to-have-a-grief-equal-to-all-these-tears/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [Nowadays most people wear black most of the time anyway: go to a literary party and one would imagine everyone there was in perpetual…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fay-weldon/nowadays-most-people-wear-black-most-of-the-time-anyway-go-to-a/) [Fay Weldon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fay-weldon/) > [Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the breast, and is forced to multiply its strength.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ovid/suppressed-grief-suffocates-it-rages-within-the-breast-and-is-forced/) [Ovid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ovid/) > [That Woman is in love with her own grief.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabrielle-zevin/that-woman-is-in-love-with-her-own-grief/) [Gabrielle Zevin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabrielle-zevin/) > [Short time seems long in sorrow's sharp sustaining.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-shakespeare/short-time-seems-long-in-sorrow-s-sharp-sustaining/) [William Shakespeare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-shakespeare/) > [These days grief seems like walking on a frozen river; most of the time he feels safe enough, but there is always that danger…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-nicholls/these-days-grief-seems-like-walking-on-a-frozen-river-most-of-the/) [David Nicholls](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-nicholls/) > [“You've been my beacon of light in my storm of grief, and I don't know if I could live without you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katie-ashley/you-ve-been-my-beacon-of-light-in-my-storm-of-grief-and-i-don-t-know/) [Katie Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katie-ashley/) > [Ancient eyes had stared at me, filled with ancient grief. And something more. Something so alien and unexpected that I'd almost burst into tears.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-marie-moning/ancient-eyes-had-stared-at-me-filled-with-ancient-grief-and-something/) [Karen Marie Moning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-marie-moning/) > [Meanwhile, the trees were just as green as before; the birds sang and the sun shone as clearly now as ever. The familiar surroundings…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-hardy/meanwhile-the-trees-were-just-as-green-as-before-the-birds-sang-and/) [Thomas Hardy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-hardy/) [Browse all 8,012 Grief quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The first thing to know is that grief is not a straight line. It doesn’t happen in “stages,” as is commonly thought; it happens in phases. 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