--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Now, here's the real beauty of this…" description: "\"“Now, here's the real beauty of this contorting contradiction. Both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers get to be failures. The ethos of intensive..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/300/susan-j-douglas-23212_beauty_now-here-s-the-real-beauty-of-this-conto_2574839.jpg" --- # Now, here's the real beauty of this contorting… ![“Now, here's the real beauty of this contorting contradiction. Both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers get to be failures. The ethos of intensive mothering has lower status in our culture ("stay-at-home mothers are boring"), but occupies a higher moral ground ("working mothers are…” quote by Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/300/susan-j-douglas-23212_beauty_now-here-s-the-real-beauty-of-this-conto_2574839.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/300/susan-j-douglas-23212_beauty_now-here-s-the-real-beauty-of-this-conto_2574839.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/300/susan-j-douglas-23212_beauty_now-here-s-the-real-beauty-of-this-conto_2574839.jpg) > ““Now, here's the real beauty of this contorting contradiction. Both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers get to be failures. The ethos of intensive mothering has lower status in our culture ("stay-at-home mothers are boring"), but occupies a higher moral ground ("working mothers are neglectful"). So, welcome to the latest media catfight: the supposed war between working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Why analyze all the ways in which our country has failed to support families while inflating the work ethic to the size of the Hindenburg when you can, instead, project this paradox onto what the media have come to call, incessantly, "the mommy wars." The "mommy wars" puts mothers into two, mutually exclusive categories--working mother versus stay-at-home mother, and never the twain shall meet. It goes without saying that they allegedly hate each other's guts. In real life, millions of mothers move between these two categories, have been one and then the other at various different times, creating a mosaic of work and child-rearing practices that bears no resemblance to the supposed ironclad roles suggested by the "mommy wars." Not only does the media catfight pit mother against mother, but it suggests that all women be reduced to their one role--mother--or get cut out of the picture entirely.”” [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Societal framing pits mothers into binary roles, obscuring the fluid reality of parenting choices. **In simple terms:** Media creates false mother categories. Key Takeaway Reject binary labels. Themes gender roles media influence family dynamics Mood critical analytical Type essay commentary When to use this quote - parenting decisions - policy discussions - media analysis - support networks Key Concepts feminist theory social constructionism Questions to Reflect On - How do you define motherhood beyond labels? - What policies could support all parenting styles? A Different Perspective The argument may overlook individual agency and diverse family structures. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Beauty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beauty/) [Mother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mother/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Real beauty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/real-beauty/) [Real life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/real-life/) [War](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/war/) [Work ethic](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/work-ethic/) ## Related quotes > [Intensive mothering is the ultimate female Olympics: We are all in powerful competition with each other, in constant danger of being trumped by the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/intensive-mothering-is-the-ultimate-female-olympics-we-are-all-in-2/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“Intensive mothering is the ultimate female Olympics: We are all in powerful competition with each other, in constant danger of being trumped by the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/intensive-mothering-is-the-ultimate-female-olympics-we-are-all-in/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [I agree that mommy wars are not good for any mothers: that such wars are time and effort wasted.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sandra-tsing-loh/i-agree-that-mommy-wars-are-not-good-for-any-mothers-that-such-wars/) [Sandra Tsing Loh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sandra-tsing-loh/) > [“After all, the media have been and are the major dispenser of the ideals and norms surrounding motherhood: Millions of us have gone to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/after-all-the-media-have-been-and-are-the-major-dispenser-of-the/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“Most people don’t get (or want) to look at old news footage, but we looked at thirty years of stories relating to motherhood. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/most-people-don-t-get-or-want-to-look-at-old-news-footage-but-we/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [The lower the family income, the higher the probability that the mother must work. Today, 1 out of 5 of these working mothers has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-f-kennedy/the-lower-the-family-income-the-higher-the-probability-that-the/) [John F. Kennedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-f-kennedy/) > [Every day, President Obama and Senator McCaskill are making it harder for working mothers and women of all ages to find a good-paying job.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-steelman/every-day-president-obama-and-senator-mccaskill-are-making-it-harder/) [Sarah Steelman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-steelman/) > [We all want to support our working mothers. Allowing them simple accommodations can ensure they are able to continue working and provide a living…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lucy-mcbath/we-all-want-to-support-our-working-mothers-allowing-them-simple/) [Lucy McBath](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lucy-mcbath/) > [Most women from my generation are all working mothers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esha-deol/most-women-from-my-generation-are-all-working-mothers/) [Esha Deol](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esha-deol/) > [I think we're seeing in working mothers a change from "Thank God it's Friday" to "Thank God it's Monday." If any working mother has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-diehl/i-think-we-re-seeing-in-working-mothers-a-change-from-thank-god-it-s/) Ann Diehl > [I don't have the hard everyday life that so many working mothers face.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/heidi-klum/i-don-t-have-the-hard-everyday-life-that-so-many-working-mothers-face/) [Heidi Klum](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/heidi-klum/) > [I feel like I'm one of the many working mothers. And I only have one child. I know working mums who have three or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-weisz/i-feel-like-i-m-one-of-the-many-working-mothers-and-i-only-have-one/) [Rachel Weisz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-weisz/) > [I have the greatest respect for working mothers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samantha-akkineni/i-have-the-greatest-respect-for-working-mothers/) [Samantha Akkineni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samantha-akkineni/) > [Working mothers do an hour more per day than working fathers do and working mothers do on average an hour more per day with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-levine/working-mothers-do-an-hour-more-per-day-than-working-fathers-do-and/) [James Levine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-levine/) > [My sisters both are working mothers. I understand that my being an actress as well as being at home isn't some heroic thing. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-garner/my-sisters-both-are-working-mothers-i-understand-that-my-being-an/) [Jennifer Garner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-garner/) ## More by Susan J. Douglas > [“At the very same time that we witnessed the explosion of white celebrity moms, and the outpouring of advice to a surveillance of middle-class…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/at-the-very-same-time-that-we-witnessed-the-explosion-of-white/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“After all, the media have been and are the major dispenser of the ideals and norms surrounding motherhood: Millions of us have gone to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/after-all-the-media-have-been-and-are-the-major-dispenser-of-the/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“Because the media always serve up heroes and villians, there had to be the terrible mothers, the anti-Madonnas, the hideous counterexamples good mothers were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/because-the-media-always-serve-up-heroes-and-villians-there-had-to-be/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [..."Fun?" you ask. "Weren't feminists these grim-faced, humorless, antifamily, karate-chopping ninjas who were bitter because they couldn't get a man?" Well, in fact the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/fun-you-ask-weren-t-feminists-these-grim-faced-humorless-antifamily/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“The frenzied hypernatalism of the women's magazines alone (and that includes People, Us, and InStyle), with their endless parade of perfect, "sexy" celebrity moms…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/the-frenzied-hypernatalism-of-the-women-s-magazines-alone-and-that/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [Here's the progression. Feminism won; you can have it all; of course you want children; mothers are better at raising children than fathers; of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/here-s-the-progression-feminism-won-you-can-have-it-all-of-course-you/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [If you're like us -mothers with an attitude problem- you may be getting increasingly irritable about this chasm between the ridiculous, honey-hued ideals of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/if-you-re-like-us-mothers-with-an-attitude-problem-you-may-be-getting/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“It's 5:22pm you're in the grocery checkout line. Your three-year-old is writhing on the floor, screaming, because you have refused to buy her a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/it-s-5-22pm-you-re-in-the-grocery-checkout-line-your-three-year-old/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [We need to make fun of and ridicule the media images that seek to keep us down, divide us against each other by age,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/we-need-to-make-fun-of-and-ridicule-the-media-images-that-seek-to/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“To review briefly, in the late 1960s, men got paid more than women (usually double) for doing the exact same job. Women could get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/to-review-briefly-in-the-late-1960s-men-got-paid-more-than-women/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“...There were the studies, beginning in 2007, which found that the suicide rate among women who had received breast implants were twice the suicide…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/there-were-the-studies-beginning-in-2007-which-found-that-the-suicide/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“Most people don’t get (or want) to look at old news footage, but we looked at thirty years of stories relating to motherhood. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/most-people-don-t-get-or-want-to-look-at-old-news-footage-but-we/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“At the same time that middle- and upper-middle-class mothers were urged to pipe Mozart into their wombs when they're pregnant so their kids would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/at-the-same-time-that-middle-and-upper-middle-class-mothers-were/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [...One of the reasons so many women say "I'm not a feminist but..." (and then put forward a feminist position), is that in addition…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/one-of-the-reasons-so-many-women-say-i-m-not-a-feminist-but-and-then/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) > [“Intensive mothering is the ultimate female Olympics: We are all in powerful competition with each other, in constant danger of being trumped by the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-j-douglas/intensive-mothering-is-the-ultimate-female-olympics-we-are-all-in/) [Susan J. Douglas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) [Explore all 26 Susan J. Douglas quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-j-douglas/) ## More Beauty quotes > [We do not want nowadays temples of worship and outward rites and ceremonies. What we really want is an Asram. We want a place…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rabindranath-tagore/we-do-not-want-nowadays-temples-of-worship-and-outward-rites-and/) [Rabindranath Tagore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rabindranath-tagore/) > [How could anybody confuse truth with beauty, I thought as I looked at him. Truth came with sunken eyes, bony or scarred, decayed. Its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-fitch/how-could-anybody-confuse-truth-with-beauty-i-thought-as-i-looked-at/) [Janet Fitch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-fitch/) > [A thing of beauty is a joy for ever;It's loveliness increase;it will never pass into nothingness;but still will keep a bower quiet for us,and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-keats/a-thing-of-beauty-is-a-joy-for-ever-it-s-loveliness-increase-it-will/) [John Keats](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-keats/) > [To fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity, and still be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tool/to-fathom-the-power-to-witness-the-beauty-to-bathe-in-the-fountain-to/) [Tool](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tool/) > [The term "black metal" has become a lot looser, or can include a larger range of sounds and extra-musical aesthetics, not just Satan and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colin-marston/the-term-black-metal-has-become-a-lot-looser-or-can-include-a-larger/) [Colin Marston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colin-marston/) > [“We've all met people who are beautiful on the outside, however, when they open their mouths to speak, they have nothing of substance to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-c-young/we-ve-all-met-people-who-are-beautiful-on-the-outside-however-when/) [Susan C. 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It's about trust, connection,… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/umair-haque/the-social-media-channel-isn-t-about-beauty-contests-and-popularity/) [Umair Haque](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/umair-haque/) > [“What about you? What do you do?” I needed to ask questions, draw him out. I needed to find out all the information I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-avery-ellison/what-about-you-what-do-you-do-i-needed-to-ask-questions-draw-him-out/) [Kate Avery Ellison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-avery-ellison/) [Browse all 24,662 Beauty quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beauty/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Now, here's the real beauty of this contorting contradiction. Both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers get to be failures. The ethos of intensive mothering has lower status in our culture (\"stay-at-home mothers are boring\"), but occupies a higher moral ground (\"working mothers are neglectful\"). So, welcome to the latest media catfight: the supposed war between working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Why analyze all the ways in which our country has failed to support families while inflating the work ethic to the size of the Hindenburg when you can, instead, project this paradox onto what the media have come to call, incessantly, \"the mommy wars.\" The \"mommy wars\" puts mothers into two, mutually exclusive categories--working mother versus stay-at-home mother, and never the twain shall meet. It goes without saying that they allegedly hate each other's guts. In real life, millions of mothers move between these two categories, have been one and then the other at various different times, creating a mosaic of work and child-rearing practices that bears no resemblance to the supposed ironclad roles suggested by the \"mommy wars.\" Not only does the media catfight pit mother against mother, but it suggests that all women be reduced to their one role--mother--or get cut out of the picture entirely.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Susan J. 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