--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: In our society, the ideal self is bold…" description: "\"In our society, the ideal self is bold, gregarious, and comfortable in the spotlight. We like to think that we value individuality, but mostly we admir..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fa/susan-cain-647_admire_in-our-society-the-ideal-self-is-bold-gr_2146472.jpg" --- # In our society, the ideal self is bold, gregarious, and… ![“In our society, the ideal self is bold, gregarious, and comfortable in the spotlight. We like to think that we value individuality, but mostly we admire the type of individual who's comfortable 'putting himself out there.” quote by Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fa/susan-cain-647_admire_in-our-society-the-ideal-self-is-bold-gr_2146472.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fa/susan-cain-647_admire_in-our-society-the-ideal-self-is-bold-gr_2146472.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fa/susan-cain-647_admire_in-our-society-the-ideal-self-is-bold-gr_2146472.jpg) > “In our society, the ideal self is bold, gregarious, and comfortable in the spotlight. We like to think that we value individuality, but mostly we admire the type of individual who's comfortable 'putting himself out there.” [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Society glorifies extroverted traits while claiming to value individuality, creating pressure to conform to a bold public persona. **In simple terms:** We praise boldness but truly admire those who stand out. Key Takeaway Question the true value of public confidence. Themes conformity individuality extroversion social pressure Mood reflective critical Type philosophical motivational When to use this quote - leadership - social media - career advancement Key Concepts psychology cultural norms Questions to Reflect On - What does “ideal self” mean to you? - How can you support authentic expression? A Different Perspective Introverts may feel marginalized. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Admire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/admire/) [Comfortable](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comfortable/) [Gregarious](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gregarious/) [Ideal Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ideal-self-1201249/) [Identity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/identity/) [Individual](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/individual/) [Individuality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/individuality/) [Individuality Admire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/individuality-admire-4494240/) [Our society](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/our-society/) [Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self/) [Self Bold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-bold-2651704/) [Spotlight](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/spotlight/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) [Type](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/type/) [Value Individuality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/value-individuality-757969/) [Values](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/values/) ## Related quotes > [A widely held, but rarely articulated, belief in our society is that the ideal self is bold, alpha, gregarious. Introversion is viewed somewhere between…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/a-widely-held-but-rarely-articulated-belief-in-our-society-is-that/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/the-archetypal-extrovert-prefers-action-to-contemplation-risk-taking/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal—the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/we-live-with-a-value-system-that-i-call-the-extrovert-ideal-the/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [You have to remember the value of your individuality - that you have something special and different to offer that nobody else can.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-lopez/you-have-to-remember-the-value-of-your-individuality-that-you-have/) [Jennifer Lopez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-lopez/) > [We are all part of that global traffic and I think that the effort to make yourself understood and to be not a problem…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-winton/we-are-all-part-of-that-global-traffic-and-i-think-that-the-effort-to/) [Tim Winton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-winton/) > [One of the main foundations of our country is supposed to be that we value individuality, and unfortunately, that seems to be getting lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kat-timpf/one-of-the-main-foundations-of-our-country-is-supposed-to-be-that-we/) [Kat Timpf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kat-timpf/) > [“Your value is in your individuality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorla-jenkins/your-value-is-in-your-individuality/) [Dorla Jenkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorla-jenkins/) > [“It seems to me that we value individuality, but only to a point. When what sets one person apart from another is beyond our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kiera-cass/it-seems-to-me-that-we-value-individuality-but-only-to-a-point-when/) [Kiera Cass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kiera-cass/) > [Solitude is out of fashion. Our companies, our schools and our culture are in thrall to an idea I call the New Groupthink, which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/solitude-is-out-of-fashion-our-companies-our-schools-and-our-culture/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“The decision as to whether to risk one’s actual life or to surrender the ideal self-conception is a decision about who one is." from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-brandom/the-decision-as-to-whether-to-risk-one-s-actual-life-or-to-surrender/) [Robert Brandom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-brandom/) > [“One of the most important things you could actually do in life is to create the best of yourself, to create your ideal self.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sunday-adelaja/one-of-the-most-important-things-you-could-actually-do-in-life-is-to/) [Sunday Adelaja](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sunday-adelaja/) > [The ideal self is the wish to be like God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-barbarulo/the-ideal-self-is-the-wish-to-be-like-god/) [Michael Barbarulo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-barbarulo/) > [Some people ask who they are and expect their feelings to tell them. But feelings are flickering flames that fade after every fitful stimulus.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/some-people-ask-who-they-are-and-expect-their-feelings-to-tell-them/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [“E. Tory Higgins (1987) suggests that self-knowledge encompasses three major domains: the actual self, the ideal self, and the ought self. The actual self…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-p-mcadams/e-tory-higgins-1987-suggests-that-self-knowledge-encompasses-three/) [Dan P. McAdams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-p-mcadams/) > [“Take that your accidental self and build it into your ideal self.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sunday-adelaja/take-that-your-accidental-self-and-build-it-into-your-ideal-self/) [Sunday Adelaja](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sunday-adelaja/) ## More by Susan Cain > [“Proverbs from the East: The wind howls, but the mountain remains still. Even though I make no special attempt to observe the discipline of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/proverbs-from-the-east-the-wind-howls-but-the-mountain-remains-still/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“where we fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. Our place on this continuum influences our choice of friends and mates, and how we make conversation,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/where-we-fall-on-the-introvert-extrovert-spectrum-our-place-on-this/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they’re good talkers, but they don’t have good ideas,” he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/i-worry-that-there-are-people-who-are-put-in-positions-of-authority/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“He believes, as most of us do, that venting anger lets off steam. The “catharsis hypothesis”—that aggression builds up inside us until it’s healthily…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/he-believes-as-most-of-us-do-that-venting-anger-lets-off-steam-the/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“Soft power is not limited to moral exemplars like Mahatma Gandhi. Consider, for example, the much-ballyhooed excellence of Asians in fields like math and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/soft-power-is-not-limited-to-moral-exemplars-like-mahatma-gandhi/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“Events like this don't give me the sense of oneness others seem to enjoy; it's always been private occasions that make me feel connected…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/events-like-this-don-t-give-me-the-sense-of-oneness-others-seem-to/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“Social anxiety disorder”—which essentially means pathological shyness—is now thought to afflict nearly one in five of us. The most recent version of the Diagnostic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/social-anxiety-disorder-which-essentially-means-pathological-shyness/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“Potential clients would walk out of Charlie’s office scared”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/potential-clients-would-walk-out-of-charlie-s-office-scared/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“So when introverts assume the observer role, as when they write novels, or contemplate unified field theory- or fall quiet at dinner parties- they’re…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/so-when-introverts-assume-the-observer-role-as-when-they-write-novels/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“Osborn’s theory had great impact, and company leaders took up brainstorming with enthusiasm. To this day, it’s common for anyone who spends time in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/osborn-s-theory-had-great-impact-and-company-leaders-took-up/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/extroversion-is-an-enormously-appealing-personality-style-but-we-ve/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“But as the word satyagraha implies, Gandhi’s passivity was not weakness at all. It meant focusing on an ultimate goal and refusing to divert…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/but-as-the-word-satyagraha-implies-gandhi-s-passivity-was-not/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/the-extrovert-ideal-has-been-documented-in-many-studies-though-this/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [“introverts prefer to work independently, and solitude can be a catalyst to innovation. As the influential psychologist Hans Eysenck once observed, introversion “concentrates the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/introverts-prefer-to-work-independently-and-solitude-can-be-a/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [ “People who tend to \[suppress their negative emotions\] regularly,” concludes Grob, “might start to see the world in a more negative light.” ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/people-who-tend-to-suppress-their-negative-emotions-regularly/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) [Explore all 428 Susan Cain quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) ## More Admire quotes > [Everyone will admire you when you do well. What a horrible thing to do to someone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/everyone-will-admire-you-when-you-do-well-what-a-horrible-thing-to-do/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) > [I admire Serena Williams, because, I mean, who doesn't admire Serena Williams?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/johanna-konta/i-admire-serena-williams-because-i-mean-who-doesn-t-admire-serena/) [Johanna Konta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johanna-konta/) > [How proud I am to be compared to Oprah. I really admire her. She's a minority woman and she's done all this by herself...…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cristina-saralegui/how-proud-i-am-to-be-compared-to-oprah-i-really-admire-her-she-s-a/) [Cristina Saralegui](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cristina-saralegui/) > [I admire President Obama's ability to trust strangers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-gutfeld/i-admire-president-obama-s-ability-to-trust-strangers/) [Greg Gutfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-gutfeld/) > [I really admire people's interactions with technology that aren't tech-centric but use it as a tool.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caroline-polachek/i-really-admire-people-s-interactions-with-technology-that-aren-t/) [Caroline Polachek](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caroline-polachek/) > [During my first years in the Sierra, I was ever calling on everybody within reach to admire them, but I found no one half…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-muir/during-my-first-years-in-the-sierra-i-was-ever-calling-on-everybody/) [John Muir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-muir/) > [Shaw's works make me admire the magnificent tolerance and broadmindedness of the english.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-joyce/shaw-s-works-make-me-admire-the-magnificent-tolerance-and/) [James Joyce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-joyce/) > [It could be my British need for discipline that makes me admire the American appetite for freedom and passion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-winwood/it-could-be-my-british-need-for-discipline-that-makes-me-admire-the/) [Steve Winwood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-winwood/) > [I believe in a world where there are no heroes, and I've read and know humanity a lot. There are moments that I admire…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orhan-pamuk/i-believe-in-a-world-where-there-are-no-heroes-and-i-ve-read-and-know/) [Orhan Pamuk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orhan-pamuk/) > [I admire machinery as much is any man, and am as thankful to it as any man can be for what it does for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-dickens/i-admire-machinery-as-much-is-any-man-and-am-as-thankful-to-it-as-any/) [Charles Dickens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-dickens/) > [I think it's really good and helpful to have the people you most admire in some other discipline than what you work in. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/whit-stillman/i-think-it-s-really-good-and-helpful-to-have-the-people-you-most/) [Whit Stillman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/whit-stillman/) > [Part of what we admire about a painting or a piece of music is the order which the artist has imposed upon what would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-storr/part-of-what-we-admire-about-a-painting-or-a-piece-of-music-is-the/) [Anthony Storr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-storr/) > [I respect and admire the Premier League.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ronald-koeman/i-respect-and-admire-the-premier-league/) [Ronald Koeman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ronald-koeman/) > [“Admire and appreciate your man and he will be happy on your side”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/linda-alfiori/admire-and-appreciate-your-man-and-he-will-be-happy-on-your-side/) [Linda Alfiori](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/linda-alfiori/) > [“The thing I admire most about you is no matter how hard, or how much the world has tried to beat you, break you,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nikita-gill/the-thing-i-admire-most-about-you-is-no-matter-how-hard-or-how-much/) [Nikita Gill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nikita-gill/) [Browse all 2,369 Admire quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/admire/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "In our society, the ideal self is bold, gregarious, and comfortable in the spotlight. 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