--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It had never been a secret that I'd…" description: "\"“It had never been a secret that I'd idealized my father, that I would've done anything to please him--to be the apple of his eye (to use the worst and..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e8d/sue-monk-kidd-404_painting_it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idea_1684024.png" --- # It had never been a secret that I'd idealized my father… ![“It had never been a secret that I'd idealized my father, that I would've done anything to please him--to be the apple of his eye (to use the worst and most obvious cliché)--but what I didn't quite get until the painting was the sadness of all that trying. I hadn't understood the small, powerless…” quote by Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e8d/sue-monk-kidd-404_painting_it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idea_1684024.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e8d/sue-monk-kidd-404_painting_it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idea_1684024.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e8d/sue-monk-kidd-404_painting_it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idea_1684024.png) > ““It had never been a secret that I'd idealized my father, that I would've done anything to please him--to be the apple of his eye (to use the worst and most obvious cliché)--but what I didn't quite get until the painting was the sadness of all that trying. I hadn't understood the small, powerless places it had taken me. But even more than this, I had never completely realized how this same thing had gone on with Hugh. I'd accommodated myself to him for twenty years without any real idea of what it was to have possession of my own self. To own myself, so to speak.”” [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator realizes she has spent years defining herself through her father and a lover, neglecting her own identity and autonomy. **In simple terms:** She discovers she must claim her own self. Key Takeaway Recognize and own your personal identity. Themes self‑discovery family dynamics personal autonomy Mood reflective introspective Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - therapeutic reflection - personal journaling - relationship counseling Key Concepts identity formation codependency self‑realization Questions to Reflect On - How have you defined yourself through others? - What steps can you take to claim your own identity? A Different Perspective Self‑definition can be hindered by long‑term emotional dependence. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Gone Hugh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gone-hugh-986525/) [Idealized Father](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/idealized-father-986523/) [Painting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/painting/) [Painting Sadness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/painting-sadness-986524/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Possession Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/possession-self-986522/) [Secret](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/secret/) ## Related quotes > […there would be no powerful will binding hers in that blind persistence with which men and women believe they have a right to impose…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-chopin/there-would-be-no-powerful-will-binding-hers-in-that-blind/) [Kate Chopin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-chopin/) > [The greatest possession is self-possession.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ethel-watts-mumford/the-greatest-possession-is-self-possession/) [Ethel Watts Mumford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ethel-watts-mumford/) > [“In so doing, I resisted the descent into what the school counselors called low self-esteem. Self-esteem is the dark, distorted shadow of self-possession. Self-esteem…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-swallow-prior/in-so-doing-i-resisted-the-descent-into-what-the-school-counselors/) [Karen Swallow Prior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-swallow-prior/) > [Desire then is the invasion of the whole self by the wish, which, as it invades, sets going more and more of the psychical…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samuel-alexander/desire-then-is-the-invasion-of-the-whole-self-by-the-wish-which-as-it/) [Samuel Alexander](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samuel-alexander/) > [We must become masters of our own actions and attitudes. To let another person determine whether we will be rude or gracious, elated or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sydney-j-harris/we-must-become-masters-of-our-own-actions-and-attitudes-to-let/) [Sydney J. Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sydney-j-harris/) > [“To all the secret writers, late-night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shauna-niequist/to-all-the-secret-writers-late-night-painters-would-be-singers-lapsed/) [Shauna Niequist](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shauna-niequist/) > [“He unfixes the metal notch and slips his hand around the body of the bird. Feels its heat, its small heart beating. He stares…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nina-schuyler/he-unfixes-the-metal-notch-and-slips-his-hand-around-the-body-of-the/) [Nina Schuyler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nina-schuyler/) > [Poetry fettered, fetters the human race. Nations are destroyed or flourish in proportion as their poetry, painting, and music are destroyed or flourish.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-blake/poetry-fettered-fetters-the-human-race-nations-are-destroyed-or/) [William Blake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-blake/) > [“Love them all," said Renoir. "That is the secret, young man. Love them all." The painter let go of his arm and shrugged. "Then,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/love-them-all-said-renoir-that-is-the-secret-young-man-love-them-all/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [I think I'm a guy who can get into the paint, make plays and obviously distribute and make plays for other guys, too.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-huerter/i-think-i-m-a-guy-who-can-get-into-the-paint-make-plays-and-obviously/) [Kevin Huerter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-huerter/) > [I had an idea for a technologically advanced luxury watch. I got involved in digital art and neon painting and put on shows of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/giorgio-moroder/i-had-an-idea-for-a-technologically-advanced-luxury-watch-i-got/) [Giorgio Moroder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/giorgio-moroder/) > [The bigger the canvas, the better I do. I'm not so good at understated, kitchen-sink kinds of parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-reeve/the-bigger-the-canvas-the-better-i-do-i-m-not-so-good-at-understated/) [Christopher Reeve](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-reeve/) > [A home is not a museum. It doesn't have to be furnished with Picasso paintings, or Sheraton suites, or Oriental rugs, or Chinese pottery.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-m-cain/a-home-is-not-a-museum-it-doesn-t-have-to-be-furnished-with-picasso/) [James M. Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-m-cain/) > [“People in coats and ties were milling around the Talley gallery, and on the wall were the minimally rendered still lifes by Giorgio Morandi,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-martin/people-in-coats-and-ties-were-milling-around-the-talley-gallery-and/) [Steve Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-martin/) > [One is a painter because one wants so-called freedom; one doesn't want to go to the office every morning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marcel-duchamp/one-is-a-painter-because-one-wants-so-called-freedom-one-doesn-t-want/) [Marcel Duchamp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marcel-duchamp/) ## More by Sue Monk Kidd > [“But benevolent patriarchy is still patriarchy.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/but-benevolent-patriarchy-is-still-patriarchy/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“It's part of our overall Body Negation Program.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/it-s-part-of-our-overall-body-negation-program/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“That was the thing mauma and I loved, our time with the quilts.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/that-was-the-thing-mauma-and-i-loved-our-time-with-the-quilts/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [In recent years my understanding of God had evolved into increasingly remote abstractions. I'd come to think of God in terms like Divine Reality,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/in-recent-years-my-understanding-of-god-had-evolved-into-increasingly/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [we need not avoid our active lives, but simply bring to them a new vision and shift of gravity. for in the center we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/we-need-not-avoid-our-active-lives-but-simply-bring-to-them-a-new/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“The mermaids came to me finally, in the pink hours of my life. They are my consolation. For them I dove with arms outstretched,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/the-mermaids-came-to-me-finally-in-the-pink-hours-of-my-life-they-are/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“The bag contained a pair of white cotton gloves stained the color of age.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/the-bag-contained-a-pair-of-white-cotton-gloves-stained-the-color-of/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [I eventually found that the soul is more than an immortal commodity to win and save. It is the repository of the inner divine,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/i-eventually-found-that-the-soul-is-more-than-an-immortal-commodity/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“Readiness for dying arrives by attending the smallest moment and finding the eternal inside of it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/readiness-for-dying-arrives-by-attending-the-smallest-moment-and/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“I sat at her desk and turned one page after another, staring at what looked like bits and pieces of black lace laid cross…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/i-sat-at-her-desk-and-turned-one-page-after-another-staring-at-what/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [The translucence that comes when life hardens into a bead of such cruel perfection you see it with the purest clarity. Everything suddenly there--life…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/the-translucence-that-comes-when-life-hardens-into-a-bead-of-such/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“There's no pain on earth that doesn't require a benevolent witness.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/there-s-no-pain-on-earth-that-doesn-t-require-a-benevolent-witness/) [sue monk kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“afflicted with the worst female curse on earth, the need to mold myself to expectations.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/afflicted-with-the-worst-female-curse-on-earth-the-need-to-mold/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“Her forbidden bath all those months ago still hung leaden between us, though Handful didn't seem the least bit ashamed by my discovery of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/her-forbidden-bath-all-those-months-ago-still-hung-leaden-between-us/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“Why should God’s perfection be based on having an unchanging nature?” I asked. “Isn’t flexibility more perfect than stasis?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/why-should-god-s-perfection-be-based-on-having-an-unchanging-nature-i/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) [Explore all 584 Sue Monk Kidd quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) ## More Painting quotes > [One is a painter because one wants so-called freedom; one doesn't want to go to the office every morning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marcel-duchamp/one-is-a-painter-because-one-wants-so-called-freedom-one-doesn-t-want/) [Marcel Duchamp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marcel-duchamp/) > [“People in coats and ties were milling around the Talley gallery, and on the wall were the minimally rendered still lifes by Giorgio Morandi,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-martin/people-in-coats-and-ties-were-milling-around-the-talley-gallery-and/) [Steve Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-martin/) > [A home is not a museum. It doesn't have to be furnished with Picasso paintings, or Sheraton suites, or Oriental rugs, or Chinese pottery.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-m-cain/a-home-is-not-a-museum-it-doesn-t-have-to-be-furnished-with-picasso/) [James M. Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-m-cain/) > [The bigger the canvas, the better I do. I'm not so good at understated, kitchen-sink kinds of parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-reeve/the-bigger-the-canvas-the-better-i-do-i-m-not-so-good-at-understated/) [Christopher Reeve](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-reeve/) > [I had an idea for a technologically advanced luxury watch. I got involved in digital art and neon painting and put on shows of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/giorgio-moroder/i-had-an-idea-for-a-technologically-advanced-luxury-watch-i-got/) [Giorgio Moroder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/giorgio-moroder/) > [I think I'm a guy who can get into the paint, make plays and obviously distribute and make plays for other guys, too.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-huerter/i-think-i-m-a-guy-who-can-get-into-the-paint-make-plays-and-obviously/) [Kevin Huerter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-huerter/) > [“Love them all," said Renoir. "That is the secret, young man. Love them all." The painter let go of his arm and shrugged. "Then,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/love-them-all-said-renoir-that-is-the-secret-young-man-love-them-all/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [Poetry fettered, fetters the human race. Nations are destroyed or flourish in proportion as their poetry, painting, and music are destroyed or flourish.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-blake/poetry-fettered-fetters-the-human-race-nations-are-destroyed-or/) [William Blake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-blake/) > [“He unfixes the metal notch and slips his hand around the body of the bird. Feels its heat, its small heart beating. He stares…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nina-schuyler/he-unfixes-the-metal-notch-and-slips-his-hand-around-the-body-of-the/) [Nina Schuyler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nina-schuyler/) > [I love painting. I love writing. I love creating and being around people who are creating.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joe-lycett/i-love-painting-i-love-writing-i-love-creating-and-being-around/) [Joe Lycett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joe-lycett/) > [“Your soul is your paintbrush, your world is your canvass, your life is your masterpiece.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/your-soul-is-your-paintbrush-your-world-is-your-canvass-your-life-is/) [Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/) > [There's nothing more special than intellect and labour that makes painting work. There's no magic there; it's information, and it's work.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kerry-james-marshall/there-s-nothing-more-special-than-intellect-and-labour-that-makes/) [Kerry James Marshall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kerry-james-marshall/) > [Worship isn't destructive, Martin. I know that. I don't. I only know it's the core of his life. What else has he got? He…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-shaffer/worship-isn-t-destructive-martin-i-know-that-i-don-t-i-only-know-it-s/) [Peter Shaffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-shaffer/) > [I saw Frank Frazetta's art, and it seared on my memory. I love his paintings. They're so amazing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jason-momoa/i-saw-frank-frazetta-s-art-and-it-seared-on-my-memory-i-love-his/) [Jason Momoa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jason-momoa/) > [I was too tired to think. I merely felt the town as a unique unreality. What was it? I knew -- the moon's picture…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-was-too-tired-to-think-i-merely-felt-the-town-as-a-unique-unreality/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) [Browse all 8,069 Painting quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/painting/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It had never been a secret that I'd idealized my father, that I would've done anything to please him--to be the apple of his eye (to use the worst and most obvious cliché)--but what I didn't quite get until the painting was the sadness of all that trying. I hadn't understood the small, powerless places it had taken me. But even more than this, I had never completely realized how this same thing had gone on with Hugh. I'd accommodated myself to him for twenty years without any real idea of what it was to have possession of my own self. To own myself, so to speak.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Sue Monk Kidd" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idealized-my-father-that-i-would/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Painting" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idealized-my-father-that-i-would/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e8d/sue-monk-kidd-404_painting_it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idea_1684024.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e8d/sue-monk-kidd-404_painting_it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idea_1684024.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e8d/sue-monk-kidd-404_painting_it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idea_1684024.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It had never been a secret that I'd idealized my father, that I would've done anything to please him--to be…” — Sue Monk Kidd", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Sue Monk Kidd", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“It had never been a secret...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idealized-my-father-that-i-would/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/it-had-never-been-a-secret-that-i-d-idealized-my-father-that-i-would/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```