---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: In his study of suicide notes titled…Or…"
description: "\"“In his study of suicide notes titled…Or Not To Be, Marc Etkind contrasts the self-victimizing thinking of the late Kurt Cobain with the ownership spir..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b0/steve-chandler-11592_education_in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or_2052100.jpg"
---

#  In his study of suicide notes titled…Or Not To Be, Marc…

![“In his study of suicide notes titled…Or Not To Be, Marc Etkind contrasts the self-victimizing thinking of the late Kurt Cobain with the ownership spirit of his wife, Courtney Love. Cobain was the lead singer of the grunge rock group Nirvana. His addiction to heroin was a major factor in the death…” quote by Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b0/steve-chandler-11592_education_in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or_2052100.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b0/steve-chandler-11592_education_in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or_2052100.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b0/steve-chandler-11592_education_in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or_2052100.jpg)

> ““In his study of suicide notes titled…Or Not To Be, Marc Etkind contrasts the self-victimizing thinking of the late Kurt Cobain with the ownership spirit of his wife, Courtney Love. Cobain was the lead singer of the grunge rock group Nirvana. His addiction to heroin was a major factor in the death he chose—a shotgun blast to the head that was so powerful, police had to use fingerprints to identify the body. He had written a long, poetically self-pitying suicide note to his family and fans that his wife, performer Courtney Love, used to read at her own concerts. While publicly reading Cobain’s suicide note, Courtney Love interspersed his words with her own. She became strong as she read the note, refusing to be the second victim of the tragedy. She showed her anger and her spirit when she asked why he didn’t simply quit music if he was so tired of it? She referred to his letter mockingly as a “letter to the editor,” and ended the reading by yelling out to the crowd, “Just tell him he’s a \[jerk\], okay?…and that you love him.” Kurt had contracted down into that smallest known, and most painful element in the universe: “Me.””

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

The quote contrasts self-pity with taking ownership of tragedy, showing how confronting pain can empower rather than victimise.

**In simple terms:** Owning pain can empower.

Key Takeaway

Choose agency over victimhood.

Themes

ownership empowerment grief resilience celebrity

Mood

reflective determined inspirational

Type

philosophical motivational

When to use this quote

- mental health advocacy
- support groups
- personal healing
- public speaking
- media analysis

Key Concepts

psychology self‑responsibility public narrative

Questions to Reflect On

- How can we support those in grief without victimising them?
- What role does public narrative play in personal healing?

A Different Perspective

It may oversimplify complex mental health issues.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Education](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/education/) [Song](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/song/) [Suicide](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suicide/)

## Related quotes

> [ I feel it's such a tragic thing \[Kurt Cobain's suicide\]. Here is a guy, a young guy, that had everything in his hands. He… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sammy-hagar/i-feel-it-s-such-a-tragic-thing-kurt-cobain-s-suicide-here-is-a-guy-a/)

[Sammy Hagar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sammy-hagar/)

> [ And for him \[Kurt Cobain\] to do that \[suicide\] - I didn't like that. I thought that was just wrong. It just sent a… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sammy-hagar/and-for-him-kurt-cobain-to-do-that-suicide-i-didn-t-like-that-i/)

[Sammy Hagar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sammy-hagar/)

> [I cut the wrist of my left hand Drupping, dripping, Dieing, sitting here crying Sighing, listening to your Lying Do I even care? Do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fading-scars/i-cut-the-wrist-of-my-left-hand-drupping-dripping-dieing-sitting-here/)

Fading\_scars

> [“I still remember the moment. I ordered a chicken salad and it tasted like chalk. I knew I was depressed. And I went downhill…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a-chicken-salad-and-it-tasted/)

[Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/)

> [The few remaining truths are graffiti, suicide notes, shopping lists.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francesca-da-rimini/the-few-remaining-truths-are-graffiti-suicide-notes-shopping-lists/)

[Francesca Da Rimini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francesca-da-rimini/)

> [You never can tell, though, with suicide notes, can you? In the planetary aggregate of all life, there are many more suicide notes than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-amis/you-never-can-tell-though-with-suicide-notes-can-you-in-the-planetary/)

[Martin Amis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-amis/)

> [The language of love letters is the same as suicide notes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/courtney-love/the-language-of-love-letters-is-the-same-as-suicide-notes/)

[Courtney Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/courtney-love/)

> [“-I have dreamed of escape, a forever -to burn your suicide notes she read in Braille -and the stars of dawn's trousseau”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-stanford/i-have-dreamed-of-escape-a-forever-to-burn-your-suicide-notes-she/)

[Frank Stanford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-stanford/)

> [“It seems that rather than abandon their worldview, many young people are abandoning their lives altogether. I am disturbed to see the number of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-morrison/it-seems-that-rather-than-abandon-their-worldview-many-young-people/)

[Jon Morrison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-morrison/)

> [“David Goodis didn’t write novels, he wrote suicide notes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ed-gorman/david-goodis-didn-t-write-novels-he-wrote-suicide-notes/)

Ed Gorman

> [“The sound was still off. In the movie, the girl and the woman had gotten into a car and were driving somewhere. They were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ford-michael-thomas/the-sound-was-still-off-in-the-movie-the-girl-and-the-woman-had/)

Ford Michael Thomas

> [Courtney Love gave me advice on how to stay focused. She told me I have a lot of positivity and I have a lot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carmen-carrera/courtney-love-gave-me-advice-on-how-to-stay-focused-she-told-me-i/)

[Carmen Carrera](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carmen-carrera/)

> [I'm a big fan of Courtney Love. I love Hole and I love her acting and I love her attitude. I just hope I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeff-ross/i-m-a-big-fan-of-courtney-love-i-love-hole-and-i-love-her-acting-and/)

[Jeff Ross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeff-ross/)

> [To many, Courtney Love smells like rock hype. Reviewers may be excited about her, but the rock audience may be skeptical of the credentials…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-hilburn/to-many-courtney-love-smells-like-rock-hype-reviewers-may-be-excited/)

[Robert Hilburn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-hilburn/)

> [Courtney Love's name should be right next to Bob Dylan when they say best lyricist of all time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/linda-perry/courtney-love-s-name-should-be-right-next-to-bob-dylan-when-they-say/)

[Linda Perry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/linda-perry/)

## More by Steve Chandler

> [“Playwright Noel Coward once said, “Work is more fun than fun.” I included that quote in a seminar guidebook for a sales group a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/playwright-noel-coward-once-said-work-is-more-fun-than-fun-i-included/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“What you do is create a vision of who you want to be, and then live into that picture as if it were already…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/what-you-do-is-create-a-vision-of-who-you-want-to-be-and-then-live/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“Do it badly; do it slowly; do it fearfully; do it any way you have to, but do it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/do-it-badly-do-it-slowly-do-it-fearfully-do-it-any-way-you-have-to/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“Peacefully taking a sword to all those negative, frightening, depressing thoughts that are automatically believed… so that a great, timeless, active day can be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/peacefully-taking-a-sword-to-all-those-negative-frightening/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“It’s not what we do that makes us tired—it’s what we don’t do. The tasks we don’t complete cause the most fatigue.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/it-s-not-what-we-do-that-makes-us-tired-it-s-what-we-don-t-do-the/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“From now on, make it a personal commitment to notice everything that pushes your buttons. Make a note of everything that inspires you. That’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/from-now-on-make-it-a-personal-commitment-to-notice-everything-that/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“A major part of living a life of self-motivation is having something to wake up for in the morning—something that you are “up to”…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/a-major-part-of-living-a-life-of-self-motivation-is-having-something/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“You can begin programming yourself consciously to be more”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/you-can-begin-programming-yourself-consciously-to-be-more/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“Not being excited is to have missed the whole point of life.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/not-being-excited-is-to-have-missed-the-whole-point-of-life/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [Write down 10 things you would do in your life if you had absolutely no fear. Then pick one of them and do it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/write-down-10-things-you-would-do-in-your-life-if-you-had-absolutely/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“You can always stage a bigger battle than the one you have to face. Watch what it does to your motivation going into the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/you-can-always-stage-a-bigger-battle-than-the-one-you-have-to-face/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“Stewart Emery reports a startling experiment done with amoebas in California. In his book Actualizations, he reveals how two tanks of amoebas were set…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/stewart-emery-reports-a-startling-experiment-done-with-amoebas-in/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“Purpose can be built, strengthened, and made more inspiring every day. We are totally responsible for our own sense of purpose. We can go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/purpose-can-be-built-strengthened-and-made-more-inspiring-every-day/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“But problems are not to be feared. Problems are not curses. Problems are simply tough games for the athletes of the mind and true…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/but-problems-are-not-to-be-feared-problems-are-not-curses-problems/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

> [“Stop worrying about what you think of yourself and start building a track record that proves that you can motivate yourself to do whatever…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/stop-worrying-about-what-you-think-of-yourself-and-start-building-a/)

[Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

[Explore all 58 Steve Chandler quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/)

## More Education quotes

> [I put myself in the student's place and remember the frustrations, doubts, determination, and desires I felt when I was going through the initial…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ted-martinez/i-put-myself-in-the-student-s-place-and-remember-the-frustrations/)

Ted Martinez

> [“In school you are taught to obey and not to think straight for your own good. Otherwise the world would be full of millionaires…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mwanandeke-kindembo/in-school-you-are-taught-to-obey-and-not-to-think-straight-for-your/)

[Mwanandeke Kindembo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mwanandeke-kindembo/)

> [For successful education there must always be a certain freshness in the knowledge dealt with. It must be either new in itself or invested…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-north-whitehead/for-successful-education-there-must-always-be-a-certain-freshness-in/)

[Alfred North Whitehead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-north-whitehead/)

> [Where I grew up, learning was a collective activity. But when I got to school and tried to share learning with other students that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-giroux/where-i-grew-up-learning-was-a-collective-activity-but-when-i-got-to/)

[Henry Giroux](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-giroux/)

> [There's no authoritarian structure at Reed College, but the education is conservative. So what you have is a lot of students who are very…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-miller/there-s-no-authoritarian-structure-at-reed-college-but-the-education/)

[Donald Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-miller/)

> [“What's the best thing about being in college? Good teachers. They inspire you, they entertain you, and you end up learning a ton even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicholas-sparks/what-s-the-best-thing-about-being-in-college-good-teachers-they/)

[Nicholas Sparks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicholas-sparks/)

> [“If one has not a head of steel it will burst; if he has not within it a brain of liquid quicksilver, he will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ioannes-amos-commenius/if-one-has-not-a-head-of-steel-it-will-burst-if-he-has-not-within-it/)

Ioannes Amos Commenius

> [“let us not teach / what we have learned badly / and not profited by”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/h-d-hilda-doolittle/let-us-not-teach-what-we-have-learned-badly-and-not-profited-by/)

H.D. (Hilda Doolittle

> [“It took me years to learn to sit at my desk for more than two minutes at a time, to put up with the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erica-jong/it-took-me-years-to-learn-to-sit-at-my-desk-for-more-than-two-minutes/)

[Erica Jong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erica-jong/)

> [According to Plato, we don't learn anything. Our soul has lived so many lives that we know everything. Teachers and education can only remind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-palahniuk/according-to-plato-we-don-t-learn-anything-our-soul-has-lived-so-many/)

[Chuck Palahniuk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chuck-palahniuk/)

> [“I only began to enjoy studying after I got through the educational system and became a so-called member of society. If something interested me,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-only-began-to-enjoy-studying-after-i-got-through-the-educational/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/if-you-had-made-the-acquiring-of-ignorance-the-study-of-your-life-you/)

[Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/)

> [How wonderful it would be, I thought, if only we could practice the teachings of the Buddha as he really taught them from his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dzogchen-ponlop-rinpoche/how-wonderful-it-would-be-i-thought-if-only-we-could-practice-the/)

[Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dzogchen-ponlop-rinpoche/)

> [English teachers tend to put more thought in the books than the author did](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/english-teachers-tend-to-put-more-thought-in-the-books-than-the/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [When will society, like a mother, take care of all her children?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/horace-mann/when-will-society-like-a-mother-take-care-of-all-her-children/)

[Horace Mann](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/horace-mann/)

[Browse all 37,666 Education quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/education/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "“In his study of suicide notes titled…Or Not To Be, Marc Etkind contrasts the self-victimizing thinking of the late Kurt Cobain with the ownership spirit of his wife, Courtney Love. Cobain was the lead singer of the grunge rock group Nirvana. His addiction to heroin was a major factor in the death he chose—a shotgun blast to the head that was so powerful, police had to use fingerprints to identify the body. He had written a long, poetically self-pitying suicide note to his family and fans that his wife, performer Courtney Love, used to read at her own concerts. While publicly reading Cobain’s suicide note, Courtney Love interspersed his words with her own. She became strong as she read the note, refusing to be the second victim of the tragedy. She showed her anger and her spirit when she asked why he didn’t simply quit music if he was so tired of it? She referred to his letter mockingly as a “letter to the editor,” and ended the reading by yelling out to the crowd, “Just tell him he’s a [jerk], okay?…and that you love him.” Kurt had contracted down into that smallest known, and most painful element in the universe: “Me.”",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "Steve Chandler"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or-not-to-be-marc-etkind/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Education"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or-not-to-be-marc-etkind/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b0/steve-chandler-11592_education_in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or_2052100.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b0/steve-chandler-11592_education_in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or_2052100.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b0/steve-chandler-11592_education_in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or_2052100.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“In his study of suicide notes titled…Or Not To Be, Marc Etkind contrasts the self-victimizing thinking of…” — Steve Chandler",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Steve Chandler",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "“In his study of suicide notes...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or-not-to-be-marc-etkind/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or-not-to-be-marc-etkind/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
