---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I was at a dinner party many years…"
description: "\"I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An Ame..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/stephen-fry-573_american-woman_i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-s_2881849.jpg"
---

#  I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from…

![“I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief. &quot;And you so intelligent!&quot; &quot;Excuse me?&quot; said tom &quot;Knowing those things are going to kill you&quot; she said &quot;and still…” quote by Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/stephen-fry-573_american-woman_i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-s_2881849.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/stephen-fry-573_american-woman_i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-s_2881849.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/stephen-fry-573_american-woman_i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-s_2881849.jpg)

> “I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief. "And you so intelligent!" "Excuse me?" said tom "Knowing those things are going to kill you" she said "and still you do it." "How differently I might behave" Tom said, "if immortality were an option”

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

The anecdote highlights how people often ignore the harmful consequences of their habits while praising intelligence, revealing a tension between admiration and self‑destruction.

**In simple terms:** People praise intellect even when it harms them.

Key Takeaway

Recognize and question harmful habits.

Themes

habits intelligence self‑destruction social perception

Mood

reflective critical

Type

observational anecdotal

When to use this quote

- social gatherings
- personal reflection
- health discussions

Key Concepts

cognitive dissonance behavioral paradox

Questions to Reflect On

- Do you admire traits that harm you?
- How can you balance admiration with self‑care?

A Different Perspective

Praising intelligence may mask dangerous behavior.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[American woman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/american-woman/) [Dinner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dinner/) [Dinner party](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dinner-party/) [Disbelief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/disbelief/) [Immortality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/immortality/) [Party](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/party/) [Wine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wine/)

## Related quotes

> [“Knowing those things are going to kill you," she said, "and still you do it." "How differently I might behave," Tom said, "if immortality…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/knowing-those-things-are-going-to-kill-you-she-said-and-still-you-do/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [“Bianca, camp is cool! It's got a pegasus stable and a sword-fighting arena and… I mean, what do you get by joining the Hunters?"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-riordan/bianca-camp-is-cool-it-s-got-a-pegasus-stable-and-a-sword-fighting/)

[Rick Riordan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-riordan/)

> [It has been said that the immortality of the soul is a grand peut-tre -but still it is a grand one. Everybody clings to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lord-byron/it-has-been-said-that-the-immortality-of-the-soul-is-a-grand-peut-tre/)

[Lord Byron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lord-byron/)

> [I'm a big fan of Tom Stoppard's work, and have been since I was in school where I studied him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adelaide-clemens/i-m-a-big-fan-of-tom-stoppard-s-work-and-have-been-since-i-was-in/)

[Adelaide Clemens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adelaide-clemens/)

> [I consider myself a Jewish writer, like all my heroes: Tom Stoppard, David Mamet, Philip Roth, Arthur Miller, Woody Allen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-marber/i-consider-myself-a-jewish-writer-like-all-my-heroes-tom-stoppard/)

[Patrick Marber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-marber/)

> [“The ‘role of the theatre’ is much debated (by almost nobody, of course), but the thing defines itself in practice first and foremost as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-stoppard/the-role-of-the-theatre-is-much-debated-by-almost-nobody-of-course/)

[Tom Stoppard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-stoppard/)

> [“Tom Stoppard’s other work includes: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, Jumpers, Travesties, Night and Day, After Magritte, The Real Thing, Enter A Free Man,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-stoppard/tom-stoppard-s-other-work-includes-rosencrantz-and-guildenstern-are/)

[Tom Stoppard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-stoppard/)

> [“IN 1967 YOUNG Tom Stoppard had his breakthrough hit, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, a brilliant play about actors playing characters playing actors playing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kurt-andersen/in-1967-young-tom-stoppard-had-his-breakthrough-hit-rosencrantz-and/)

[Kurt Andersen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kurt-andersen/)

> [There were authors I read as an adult who completely inspired me. But when I was a teenager, I got to hang out with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/there-were-authors-i-read-as-an-adult-who-completely-inspired-me-but/)

[Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/)

> [Little Christian Bale. It was one of my favorite movies as a kid, and I re-watched it not too long ago, and my jaw…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/danny-strong/little-christian-bale-it-was-one-of-my-favorite-movies-as-a-kid-and-i/)

[Danny Strong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/danny-strong/)

> [“My only companion from the outside world during nineteen years of isolation has been my personal hatred of Thursday Next. It's kind of like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jasper-fforde/my-only-companion-from-the-outside-world-during-nineteen-years-of/)

[Jasper Fforde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jasper-fforde/)

> [Enchanting is not the word that would immediately spring to mind when describing a play that deals with fractal geometry, iterated algorithms, chaos theory…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lyn-gardner/enchanting-is-not-the-word-that-would-immediately-spring-to-mind-when/)

[Lyn Gardner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lyn-gardner/)

> [There's no doubt about it. Arcadia is Tom Stoppard's richest, most ravishing comedy to date, a play of wit, intellect, language, brio and, new…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vincent-canby/there-s-no-doubt-about-it-arcadia-is-tom-stoppard-s-richest-most/)

[Vincent Canby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vincent-canby/)

> [At the drabber moments of my life (swilling some excrement from the steps, for instance, or rooting with a bent coat-hanger down a blocked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/at-the-drabber-moments-of-my-life-swilling-some-excrement-from-the/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [If you're doing something like 'Arcadia' by Tom Stoppard, which has been done millions and millions of times, and it's been played some unbelievably…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bel-powley/if-you-re-doing-something-like-arcadia-by-tom-stoppard-which-has-been/)

[Bel Powley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bel-powley/)

## More by Stephen Fry

> [“...Catholic versus Protestant, essentially. It's that kind of fight. ... And it goes on to this day. Will we never learn? Who knows? Religion.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/catholic-versus-protestant-essentially-it-s-that-kind-of-fight-and-it/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [How dare you? How dare you create a world in which there is such misery that is not our fault? It's not right, it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/how-dare-you-how-dare-you-create-a-world-in-which-there-is-such/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [“Look at the kind of people who most object to the childishness and cheapness of celebrity culture. Does one really want to side with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/look-at-the-kind-of-people-who-most-object-to-the-childishness-and/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [“The object of love should feel honoured or flattered, responsible in some way. Instead he felt insulted, degraded and revolted. More than that, he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/the-object-of-love-should-feel-honoured-or-flattered-responsible-in/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [The only people who are obsessed with food are anorexics and the morbidly obese. That, in erotic terms, is the Catholic church, in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/the-only-people-who-are-obsessed-with-food-are-anorexics-and-the/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [To me, reason is as spiritual as anything else, the beauty of reason seems to me indelible and ineffable and numinous... the spirit is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/to-me-reason-is-as-spiritual-as-anything-else-the-beauty-of-reason/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [The stranger might laugh and seem to enjoy the writing, but you hug to yourself the thought that they didn't quite understand its force…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/the-stranger-might-laugh-and-seem-to-enjoy-the-writing-but-you-hug-to/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [“The future is a much bigger deal than the past,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/the-future-is-a-much-bigger-deal-than-the-past/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [I gather a repulsive nobody writing in a paper no one of any decency would be seen dead with has written something loathesome and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/i-gather-a-repulsive-nobody-writing-in-a-paper-no-one-of-any-decency/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [I've never had any illusions about being a lead actor in films, because lead actors have to be of a certain kind. Apart from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/i-ve-never-had-any-illusions-about-being-a-lead-actor-in-films/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [Because, let's face it, I do not get offered the parts that Brad Pitt has just turned down.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/because-let-s-face-it-i-do-not-get-offered-the-parts-that-brad-pitt/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [I will defend the absolute value of Mozart over Miley Cyrus, of course I will, but we should be wary of false dichotomies. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/i-will-defend-the-absolute-value-of-mozart-over-miley-cyrus-of-course/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [You can't just say there is a god because the world is beautiful. You have to account for bone cancer in children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/you-can-t-just-say-there-is-a-god-because-the-world-is-beautiful-you/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [If you know someone who's depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn't a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/if-you-know-someone-who-s-depressed-please-resolve-never-to-ask-them/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

> [It's as if scientists exert every effort of will they possess deliberately to find the least significant problems in the world and explain them.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/it-s-as-if-scientists-exert-every-effort-of-will-they-possess/)

[Stephen Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

[Explore all 466 Stephen Fry quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/)

## More American woman quotes

> [I have no hesitation in saying that although the American woman never leaves her domestic sphere and is in some respects very dependent within…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexis-de-tocqueville/i-have-no-hesitation-in-saying-that-although-the-american-woman-never/)

[Alexis de Tocqueville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexis-de-tocqueville/)

> [When I was 12 years old, I went to Natchitoches, La.; it was summer vacation with my family. We visited a plantation, Melrose. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-wilson/when-i-was-12-years-old-i-went-to-natchitoches-la-it-was-summer/)

[Robert Wilson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-wilson/)

> [When I see a fan coming over, I can't help but make an assumption about what they want to talk about. A middle-aged American…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natalie-dormer/when-i-see-a-fan-coming-over-i-can-t-help-but-make-an-assumption/)

[Natalie Dormer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natalie-dormer/)

> [Being in the body of an African-American woman, I prefer animation. I get to be everybody. I don't have to always be the white…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cree-summer/being-in-the-body-of-an-african-american-woman-i-prefer-animation-i/)

[Cree Summer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cree-summer/)

> [“Through my willingness to train every day and to dig deep in the after-class ukemi sessions, over time I earned the respect and friendship…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/linda-holiday/through-my-willingness-to-train-every-day-and-to-dig-deep-in-the/)

[Linda Holiday](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/linda-holiday/)

> [“She was bold, and yet she was reserved. She was sensual and girlish, but she was never coy. So I think that what she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-fees/she-was-bold-and-yet-she-was-reserved-she-was-sensual-and-girlish-but/)

Paul Fees

> [“He tells me of one American woman, forty-five years old, who was able to conceive only after being blessed by the Holy Dildo. That’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-weiner/he-tells-me-of-one-american-woman-forty-five-years-old-who-was-able/)

[Eric Weiner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-weiner/)

> [All of my history as an African-American woman, as a Jewish woman, as a Muslim woman. I'm bringing everything I ever knew, and all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-angelou/all-of-my-history-as-an-african-american-woman-as-a-jewish-woman-as-a/)

[Maya Angelou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-angelou/)

> [I went to Dartmouth College so simply by being an Indian-American woman, I was already so statistically interesting. And then the fact that I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mindy-kaling/i-went-to-dartmouth-college-so-simply-by-being-an-indian-american/)

[Mindy Kaling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mindy-kaling/)

> [Ben Marcus has created an innovative and unflinching portrait of the turmoil of the human condition, providing the reader a most rare gift: something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/myla-goldberg/ben-marcus-has-created-an-innovative-and-unflinching-portrait-of-the/)

[Myla Goldberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/myla-goldberg/)

> [It is often falsely assumed, even by feminists, that sexuality is the enemy of the female who really wants to develop these aspects of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/germaine-greer/it-is-often-falsely-assumed-even-by-feminists-that-sexuality-is-the/)

[Germaine Greer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/germaine-greer/)

> [I'm not a woman! Let's make that very clear! Oh I don't know, maybe I am. I am an American woman. Or 65 percent…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lars-von-trier/i-m-not-a-woman-let-s-make-that-very-clear-oh-i-don-t-know-maybe-i-am/)

[Lars von Trier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lars-von-trier/)

> [It's important for women to understand that it's bad enough that we don't make dollar-for-dollar what men do, but when you distill that down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nina-turner/it-s-important-for-women-to-understand-that-it-s-bad-enough-that-we/)

[Nina Turner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nina-turner/)

> [The hearts of Afro-American women are too warm and too large for race hatred. Long suffering has so chastened them that they are developing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fannie-barrier-williams/the-hearts-of-afro-american-women-are-too-warm-and-too-large-for-race/)

Fannie Barrier Williams

> [“Today my elation over Obama's election is tempered by a far more sobering awareness. As an African American woman, with three young children who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-alexander/today-my-elation-over-obama-s-election-is-tempered-by-a-far-more/)

[Michelle Alexander](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-alexander/)

[Browse all 186 American woman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/american-woman/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief. \"And you so intelligent!\" \"Excuse me?\" said tom \"Knowing those things are going to kill you\" she said \"and still you do it.\" \"How differently I might behave\" Tom said, \"if immortality were an option",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "Stephen Fry"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-sitting-along-from-tom/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "American woman"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-sitting-along-from-tom/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/stephen-fry-573_american-woman_i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-s_2881849.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/stephen-fry-573_american-woman_i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-s_2881849.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/stephen-fry-573_american-woman_i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-s_2881849.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just…” — Stephen Fry",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Stephen Fry",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-fry/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "I was at a dinner party...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-sitting-along-from-tom/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-fry/i-was-at-a-dinner-party-many-years-ago-sitting-along-from-tom/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
