--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: (...) just being nice is not a winning…" description: "\"“(...) just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice sends a message that the woman is willing to sacrifice pay to be liked by others. This is why a ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/sheryl-sandberg-439_feminism_just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strateg_2167372.png" --- # (...) just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice… ![“(...) just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice sends a message that the woman is willing to sacrifice pay to be liked by others. This is why a woman needs to combine niceness with insistence, a style that Mary Sue Coleman, president of the University of Michigan, calls "relentlessly…” quote by Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/sheryl-sandberg-439_feminism_just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strateg_2167372.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/sheryl-sandberg-439_feminism_just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strateg_2167372.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/sheryl-sandberg-439_feminism_just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strateg_2167372.png) > ““(...) just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice sends a message that the woman is willing to sacrifice pay to be liked by others. This is why a woman needs to combine niceness with insistence, a style that Mary Sue Coleman, president of the University of Michigan, calls "relentlessly pleasant." (p.48)”” [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Being merely nice isn’t enough; combine kindness with assertiveness to succeed professionally. **In simple terms:** Combine niceness with insistence. Key Takeaway Assert your value while staying kind. Themes gender dynamics leadership assertiveness Mood empowering practical Type leadership gender career When to use this quote - negotiations - team leadership - performance reviews - career advancement Key Concepts social expectations career strategy women empowerment Questions to Reflect On - How can you balance niceness and firmness? - When should you assert more aggressively? A Different Perspective Too much assertiveness can be perceived negatively. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Feminism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feminism/) [Niceness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/niceness/) [Success](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/success/) ## Related quotes > [“This is why a woman needs to combine niceness with insistence, a style that Mary Sue Coleman, president of the University of Michigan, calls…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/this-is-why-a-woman-needs-to-combine-niceness-with-insistence-a-style/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [“Every time I talk about ground rules someone inevitably takes these to mean that the strategy is about being nice to people. I've heard…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-akadjian/every-time-i-talk-about-ground-rules-someone-inevitably-takes-these/) [David Akadjian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-akadjian/) > [As an actor and as a woman willing to step outside of her comfort zone, I admire actresses that do that, like Cameron Diaz…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-bell/as-an-actor-and-as-a-woman-willing-to-step-outside-of-her-comfort/) [Kristen Bell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-bell/) > [“It would be won by a woman willing to gamble with an entire island full of people to get what she needed to save…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-j-maas/it-would-be-won-by-a-woman-willing-to-gamble-with-an-entire-island/) [Sarah J. Maas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-j-maas/) > [You have to build your credentials as a candidate, not just as a woman. You also have to be willing to exercise power. We've…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madeleine-m-kunin/you-have-to-build-your-credentials-as-a-candidate-not-just-as-a-woman/) [Madeleine M. Kunin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madeleine-m-kunin/) > [An entrepreneur, whether man or woman, has to be willing to take help, whether financial or technical, to grow his or her business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chanda-kochhar/an-entrepreneur-whether-man-or-woman-has-to-be-willing-to-take-help/) [Chanda Kochhar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chanda-kochhar/) > [Everyone knows that a man can marry even if he reaches the age of 102, is penniless, and has all his facilities gone. There…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-vanderbilt/everyone-knows-that-a-man-can-marry-even-if-he-reaches-the-age-of-102/) [Amy Vanderbilt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-vanderbilt/) > [I used to think that I could be successful if I pretended to be a 23-year-old black woman. I wanted to find a young…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edmund-white/i-used-to-think-that-i-could-be-successful-if-i-pretended-to-be-a-23/) [Edmund White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edmund-white/) > [“Everything we’ve gained has been hard-won by a woman who was willing to be bad in the best sense of the word.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-shen/everything-we-ve-gained-has-been-hard-won-by-a-woman-who-was-willing/) [Ann Shen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ann-shen/) > [“We’ll stay tonight. Then I’ll see.” Thank God. He nodded, then moved rather stiffly to her side. She hesitated. “I’m sorry I had to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sabrina-jeffries/we-ll-stay-tonight-then-i-ll-see-thank-god-he-nodded-then-moved/) [Sabrina Jeffries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sabrina-jeffries/) > [If a woman is willing to share her problems with you, it's not to complain, it's only because she trusts you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-a-woman-is-willing-to-share-her-problems-with-you-it-s-not-to/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [My daughter has probably gotten some benefit of being inspired by a woman who is willing to take on things. We travel. We travel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/teri-hatcher/my-daughter-has-probably-gotten-some-benefit-of-being-inspired-by-a/) [Teri Hatcher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/teri-hatcher/) > [“He has never known a woman so free from conceit, vanity, ambition, pretense. He has never known a woman so willing to show the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elin-hilderbrand/he-has-never-known-a-woman-so-free-from-conceit-vanity-ambition/) [Elin Hilderbrand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elin-hilderbrand/) > [I'm looking for someone who's not trying to compete against me. I'm looking for a woman that's willing to be a woman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/akon/i-m-looking-for-someone-who-s-not-trying-to-compete-against-me-i-m/) [Akon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/akon/) > [When it comes to the application to life of existing laws and morals, woman, because of her willing receptiveness, her elasticity and adaptability combined…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ellen-key/when-it-comes-to-the-application-to-life-of-existing-laws-and-morals/) [Ellen Key](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ellen-key/) ## More by Sheryl Sandberg > [“Still, my argument was that if she was going to work for the next 30 years, what difference does "going back" 4 years really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/still-my-argument-was-that-if-she-was-going-to-work-for-the-next-30/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [“Reverend Veronica Goines sums this up as, “Peace is joy at rest, and joy is peace on its feet.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/reverend-veronica-goines-sums-this-up-as-peace-is-joy-at-rest-and-joy/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [ “\[Eric Schmidt\] explained that only one criterion that mattered when picking a job- fat growth. When companies grow quickly, there are more things to… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/eric-schmidt-explained-that-only-one-criterion-that-mattered-when/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [When I went to college, as much as my parents emphasized academic achievement, they emphasized marriage even more. They told me that the most…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/when-i-went-to-college-as-much-as-my-parents-emphasized-academic/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [Go to a playground: Little girls get called 'bossy' all the time, a word that's almost never used for boys. And that leads directly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/go-to-a-playground-little-girls-get-called-bossy-all-the-time-a-word/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [“One of my favorite quotes comes from author Alice Walker, who observed, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/one-of-my-favorite-quotes-comes-from-author-alice-walker-who-observed/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [Aggressive and hard-charging women violate unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Men are continually applauded for being ambitious and powerful and successful, but women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/aggressive-and-hard-charging-women-violate-unwritten-rules-about/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [“When I wrote Lean In, some people argued that I did not spend enough time writing about the difficulties women face when they don’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/when-i-wrote-lean-in-some-people-argued-that-i-did-not-spend-enough/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [“Survivor guilt is a thief of joy—yet another secondary loss from death.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/survivor-guilt-is-a-thief-of-joy-yet-another-secondary-loss-from-death/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [I am a bigger-picture manager because I've lived through something that's a big picture.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/i-am-a-bigger-picture-manager-because-i-ve-lived-through-something/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [Presenting leadership as a list of carefully defined qualities (like strategic, analytical, and performance-ori ented) no longer holds. Instead, true leadership stems from individuality…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/presenting-leadership-as-a-list-of-carefully-defined-qualities-like/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [So there's no such thing as work-life balance. There's work, and there's life, and there's no balance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/so-there-s-no-such-thing-as-work-life-balance-there-s-work-and-there/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [Men can comfortably claim credit for what they do as long as they don't veer into arrogance. For women, taking credit comes at a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/men-can-comfortably-claim-credit-for-what-they-do-as-long-as-they-don/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [“As Helen Keller put it, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/as-helen-keller-put-it-when-one-door-of-happiness-closes-another/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) > [“Forty percent of employed mothers lack sick days and vacation leave, and about 50 percent of employed mothers are unable to take time off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/forty-percent-of-employed-mothers-lack-sick-days-and-vacation-leave/) [Sheryl Sandberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) [Explore all 557 Sheryl Sandberg quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/) ## More Feminism quotes > [“But benevolent patriarchy is still patriarchy.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/but-benevolent-patriarchy-is-still-patriarchy/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [It's easier to change a law than an age-old mentality. Deep down, many prejudices, many hostilities, many fears persist. But if we take a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dacia-maraini/it-s-easier-to-change-a-law-than-an-age-old-mentality-deep-down-many/) [Dacia Maraini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dacia-maraini/) > [“This story is not at all an uncommon one in tech circles, including gaming. The popular notion is that women who get ahead must…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bailey-poland/this-story-is-not-at-all-an-uncommon-one-in-tech-circles-including/) [Bailey Poland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bailey-poland/) > [Without meaning to sound anti-men, ghastly women are the closest you get to a male role.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-burke/without-meaning-to-sound-anti-men-ghastly-women-are-the-closest-you/) [Kathy Burke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-burke/) > [If the women in the factories stopped work for twenty minutes, the Allies would lose the war.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-joffre/if-the-women-in-the-factories-stopped-work-for-twenty-minutes-the/) Joseph Joffre > [“It took me years to learn to sit at my desk for more than two minutes at a time, to put up with the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erica-jong/it-took-me-years-to-learn-to-sit-at-my-desk-for-more-than-two-minutes/) [Erica Jong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erica-jong/) > [“If attempting to make the world a civilized one, makes you a bad woman in the eyes of the dumb patriarchal society, then, by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/if-attempting-to-make-the-world-a-civilized-one-makes-you-a-bad-woman/) [Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/) > [“there was something of the women molded into the great, stalwart frame of Hollingsworth; nor was he ashamed of it; as men often are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nathaniel-hawthorne/there-was-something-of-the-women-molded-into-the-great-stalwart-frame/) [Nathaniel Hawthorne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nathaniel-hawthorne/) > [Women rule the world. It's not really worth fighting because they know what they're doing. Ask Napoleon. Ask Adam. Ask Richard Burton or Richie…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-bon-jovi/women-rule-the-world-it-s-not-really-worth-fighting-because-they-know/) [Jon Bon Jovi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-bon-jovi/) > [“Bármilyen idiótának, aki azt kérdezi: „Feminista vagy? Akkor elégeted a melltartóidat, mi? HE? Melltartókat égetsz, te feminista?” – szép nyugodtan így kell válaszolni: „Ostoba.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caitlin-moran/b-rmilyen-idi-t-nak-aki-azt-k-rdezi-feminista-vagy-akkor-el-geted-a/) [Caitlin Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caitlin-moran/) > [People are capable of great, great change during the span of one lifetime. And women even more than men.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabrielle-zevin/people-are-capable-of-great-great-change-during-the-span-of-one/) [Gabrielle Zevin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabrielle-zevin/) > [Susan B. Anthony must be turning in her grave if she knew that millions of women who have the right to vote are not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madeleine-m-kunin/susan-b-anthony-must-be-turning-in-her-grave-if-she-knew-that/) [Madeleine M. Kunin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madeleine-m-kunin/) > [Success will come when the societal attitude changes and not a single woman in America asks herself the question 'What did I do?'.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joe-biden/success-will-come-when-the-societal-attitude-changes-and-not-a-single/) [Joe Biden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joe-biden/) > [Women know things that men will never know. We keep the best secrets. We tell the best stories.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/women-know-things-that-men-will-never-know-we-keep-the-best-secrets/) [Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/) > [“Women will be at least 50 percent of the communications community workforce … from executive suite to interns. Why? The “integrated” agency will be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yoram-wind/women-will-be-at-least-50-percent-of-the-communications-community/) Yoram Wind [Browse all 15,705 Feminism quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feminism/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“(...) just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice sends a message that the woman is willing to sacrifice pay to be liked by others. This is why a woman needs to combine niceness with insistence, a style that Mary Sue Coleman, president of the University of Michigan, calls \"relentlessly pleasant.\" (p.48)”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Sheryl Sandberg" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strategy-nice-sends-a-message-that/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Feminism" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strategy-nice-sends-a-message-that/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/sheryl-sandberg-439_feminism_just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strateg_2167372.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/sheryl-sandberg-439_feminism_just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strateg_2167372.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/sheryl-sandberg-439_feminism_just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strateg_2167372.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“(...) just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice sends a message that the woman is willing to sacrifice…” — Sheryl Sandberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Sheryl Sandberg", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-sandberg/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“(...) just being nice is not...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strategy-nice-sends-a-message-that/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-sandberg/just-being-nice-is-not-a-winning-strategy-nice-sends-a-message-that/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```